I woke up this morning to a message from my neighbour Dirk: “goodmorning brrrrruce, coffee?  and little breakfast”

My response: “Oh … breakfast!  I will come in five with bells on.”

I knew I had brought my Santa sleigh bells across the ocean.  Which of my five remaining boxes were they in?

I searched them all.  Nothing.  I tried some drawers – same result.  My face screwed up.  “They’ve got to be here!  I want my bell moment.”

Back to the boxes.  Buried near the bottom of one was the treasure I sought.  And down the stairs I rumbled.

As we talked and ate, I glanced now and then at the bells.  I remembered a story.  And here it is:

It was a long time ago, approaching Christmas.  I was a teacher of a blind child in an elementary school.  I was going to be supervising sixty 12-year-olds while we watched The Polar Express, a movie about a train taking kids to the North Pole to meet Santa.

After some very cool adventures, the young hero of the film was sitting with Santa in the sleigh.  I’ll call him Jeremy.  He had been a disbeliever about the big guy but had slowly turned to the light.

Santa gave Jeremy a single sleigh bell.  He put it in his pocket, which unfortunately had a hole.  On the Polar Express heading home, the boy realized that the bell was lost …

As the story unfurled, perhaps fifty of the sixty kids were enthralled.  So was I.  I had seen the movie several times and it was always young in my soul.

The last scenes are at home on Christmas morning.  A single present remains under the tree.  Jeremy’s sister Sarah hands it to him.  Inside is … the bell!  Waydago, Santa.  Jeremy rings it, and the sweet sound fills the room.

Mom and Dad come by.  Mom gives it a try.  Nothing.  “Oh, that’s too bad.”  And Dad … “Broken!”

“At one time, most of my friends could hear the bell.  But as years passed it fell silent for all of them.  Even Sarah found one Christmas that she could no longer hear its sweet sound.

Though I’ve grown old, the bell still rings for me, as it does for all who truly believe.”

As the credits rolled, the kids still sat – some lost in the ending, some antsy to get to recess.  I, however, had a finale:

I reached into my pocket and pulled out three sleigh bells.  I held them high.  Silence filled the room.  Eyes were fixed on the round, on the shiny, on the pure.

“I wonder if we can hear them ring”

I rung

My friend Eric Lichtman posted this John Roedel passage on Facebook.

Let’s listen …

“This isn’t how I planned for my life to look like,” I whispered under my breath as I walked to my car.

“Tell me about it,” an eavesdropping cloud replied to me from above.

I looked up and watched the cloud billow between looking like a dove and an open hand.

The cloud continued:

“I used to be a snowfield in Montana.
I used to be a dewdrop kiss on a lily.
I used to be a puddle in a parking lot.
I used to be a river in Mexico.
I used to be a glacier.
I used to be a waterfall mist in a jungle.

I used to be so many things.”

“Doesn’t that make you sad?” I asked the cloud.

“It used to – but not anymore,” the cloud replied while wrapping herself around me like a scarf. “I don’t think either of us were created to stay the same for our entire life.”

“I’m not sure I can let go of my old life,” I sighed.

“Oh you simply must,” the cloud whispered in my ear. “Because once you release what you used to be and embrace who you are meant to be now, something amazing will happen,” the cloud said.

“What’s that?” I asked while looking at my hands that were beginning to billow and shapeshift.

“You’ll start to float.”

And with that my feet lifted off the ground.

***

I hear the words “Bruce Kerr is …”. I also hear the words “Maybe not …”.

What will I be further down the road?

It’s a mystery, isn’t it? I could come up with some speculations which may or may not come to pass. I could draw forth some creative use of the English language to entertain you … but someone large is saying “No.”

And then there’s you – just as unknown as me in future days. What beckons us? What is not on our radar that yearns for expression? What seems incomprehensible?

Perhaps you and I will bring forth things that have never been seen before

Shall we float?

It’s only a six-minute walk from my home. The Leie curves … and some fine human being decided that a bench should sit here.

As I approached, a large black fellow with headphones and backpack had spread across the entire bench. I said hello and asked him to move over so I could sit down. He smiled and did so.

And then the river took over … and its inhabitants. I heard what I would call warblers singing their hearts out. Accompanying pigeons sat in the trees and began their cooing rhythm. I was already being lulled.

I heard the clatter of bicycles on the cobblestones behind. Plus an occasional slow-moving vehicle. And then a spurt of fast feet – it had to be a kid, loving the day. I didn’t turn around to see.

I love curves. And today I loved the gulls flowing over the turn of the river – some right to left, some left to right. I could feel the air pressing on their tilted wings.

Later two mallard ducks followed suit … so fast and so low!

Little black ducks scurried around on the water, chasing away the mallards. A single white duck looked to be the queen in the park across the way. Her white against the green felt … royal.

Splatters of concentric circles started appearing on the river – and instantly disappeared. My glasses felt the drops. All was quiet.

The fellow was still there to my right, grooving to his music. His presence had become part of the Leie’s flow. He too was a being of the river.

The sky brightens

The circles continue

My eyes close …

…

And then there is just a shimmer of light

I’m going to a music festival in Brussels on May 27 and 28.  This is a photo from last year’s event.  Can you pick me out in the crowd? Not likely, especially since I was in Canada at the time.

Nothing special about me going, you might say.  Until I tell you that the Core Festival is about EDM … or electronic dance music.  Techno!

Most folks in Osseghem Park in late May will be in their teens or twenties.  Then there’s me – slightly older.

“You’re going where?!” is a refrain I’ve heard from some of my contempories. “You’ll be surrounded by kids falling down drunk, or high as a kite!”

Well, I suppose that’s true for some of the revellers – but certainly not all.  We thousands will be coming to love the music and the light show and the dance.

And oh … how I intend to dance!  I’ll throw my arms and legs out in any available direction.  I’ll get tired a lot quicker than the young’uns but so what?  I’ll rest a bit and then flail some more.

This afternoon I was walking in Ghent and came upon this:

O my God … Core is in my heart and in my city, at least on paper.  The poster called me, stopped me, and made me jump up and down.  “I’m going!”  Me … old fart.  Me … the newest of Ghentians.  Simply me … no better or worse than anyone else.

Look at who’s playing at the festival – marvelous DJ’s (that I’ve never heard of).  The closest to me knowing one is “Joy Orbison” but I think I’m mixing her up with somebody else.

I just stared at that poster.  Look at me – creating new realities in a new country.  Why not?

***

I love the story about the man, the cliff and the strawberry:

One day while walking through the wilderness a man stumbled upon a vicious tiger.  He ran but soon came to the edge of a high cliff.  Desperate to save himself, he climbed down a vine and dangled over the fatal precipice.  As he hung there, two mice appeared from a hole in the cliff and began gnawing on the vine. Suddenly, he noticed on the vine a plump wild strawberry.  He plucked it and popped it in his mouth.  It was incredibly delicious!

I won’t be in any mortal danger in Osseghem Park. But – my God – those two days are going to taste good!

In Rings of Power, mother and son are preparing for battle:

Theo: Remember when I was little, when I used to have bad dreams?

Bronwyn: I remember.

Theo: Do you remember what you used to say when you’d hold me in the dark?

Bronwyn: (nods)

Theo: Would you say it to me now?

Bronwyn: In the end, the shadow is but a small and passing thing.  There is light and high beauty forever beyond its range.  Find the light … and the shadow will not find you.

And so it is for me.  Many shadows have come my way.  No doubt this is also true for you.

Lost love

Lost health

Lost achievement

Lost money

And hanging like a cloud … lost self-esteem

***

It may interest you to know that I have the answer for all the woes of life:

Raise your head.  Be on the level with all those other eyes.  Seek out the horizon

And sometimes, just for fun, tilt upwards.  See the sky inviting you to realms beyond the veil

You are welcomed home

I was meditating this afternoon.  As usual I closed my eyes but soon a far from usual sense of “flowing” came over me.  It felt like a tiny stream … and I was bobbing along.

Then I did something strange, at least for me.  I went to bed, fully equipped with sweater, shirt and pants.  I pulled the covers up to my chin … and fell asleep for an hour.

Upon waking I still felt the flow.  Something was leaving.  I was … emptying.  No – I was being emptied.  It felt like my fingers and toes were faucets, and some unknown presence had opened them all.

“Is that me leaving?” It didn’t feel that way. Somehow I felt full and empty at the same time.

I shushed my analytical self and let go into the dripping away. A smile showed up. Seconds later, it was a laugh: “Imagine that. I have a new weight loss program!”

Now I’m sitting on the couch and the … (I don’t know what to call it) continues. I’m not happy or sad. I’m just watching.

An hour ago, I knew I was going to write about this. I’ve learned in my blogging that a picture often entices people to read. So I Googled “emptying”. And voilà – images of stomachs, bladders, ponds, pill bottles, garbage cans … Clearly I was in another time zone.

Then I came across an article with a different perspective: Why You Feel Empty In Life and How To Fill It. No, not a good fit.

***

I wonder if you understand me

Maybe, maybe not

Oh well

Seems that I don’t understand me either

This is Nori in the Lord of the Rings prequel Rings of Power now showing on Amazon Video.

Nori’s people see a straight and narrow path ahead – no one diverts from there, no one sets off alone.

But Nori’s eyes are lifted to the sky, and to far off lands of the spirit. I love Nori.

Here is her song:

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=UYI1qkl81ZU&feature=share

This Wandering Day

The sun is fast fallin’ beneath trees of stone
The light in the tower, no longer my home
Past eyes of pale fire, black sand for my bed
I trade all I’ve known for the unknown ahead

Call to me, call to me lands far away
For I must now wander this wandering day
Away I must wander this wandering day

Of drink I have little, and food I have less
My strength tells me “No” but the path demands “Yes”
My legs are so short and the way is so long
I’ve no rest nor comfort, no comfort but song

Sing to me, sing to me lands far away
Oh rise up and guide me this wandering day
Please promise to find me this wandering day

At last comes their answer through cold and through frost
That not all who wonder or wander are lost
No matter the sorrow, no matter the cost
That not all who wonder or wander are lost

***

What is tomorrow and then after that?

Who wipes their feet on our welcoming mat?

Who will we be as we walk through the pines?

How will we be in the fullness of time?

They’re made of sheepskin … and so comfy. They’re created by human hands in a Canadian village appropriately named Mountain View. The store is only a few kilometres from a home of mine – Waterton Lakes National Park.

My slippers have graced all the homes I’ve had for the last twenty years. And now they’ve accompanied me to Belgium.

Many months ago, I noticed a hole growing in the right slipper, near the heel. I made a decision that feels unusual for me … to be careful. My thinking went something like this:

Well, Bruce, you’re going to a new country and you don’t know how often you’ll come back to Canada. Look at that hole! It would be wise to buy another pair of your beloved slippers so your feet will be happy for many European winters to come.

Basically, my small mind convinced my large mind to take a seat in the back row. It’s similar to the discussion that some Canadian friends had with me: “You can’t leave our health care!” That time I ignored worries about the future. This time I bought the slippers.

It’s felt strange in Ghent to look into my closet at the unused footwear, to sense that I’m prepared but that there’s something unnecessary here.

Then there was two days ago. I often get a text from my downstairs neighbour Dirk that offers a sweet invitation: “Coffee?” Sometimes I’m just waking up, so I say “Ten minutes”.

I pull on my red robe, slip into slippers and walk the two flights of stairs down to my friend.

“I love your …” Dirk was looking at my feet. He didn’t know the English word.

I don’t remember thinking. I noticed my bum lifting off the chair, my feet sliding towards his door, up the stairs, into my bedroom. My hand entered the closet. And then I returned …

***

I’m laughing at me

Careful is not a good fit

This afternoon my friend Marieke and I were having a coffee and a beer at The Rambler, a café near the Gent Sint-Pieters train station.

The sun was shining … above us and also at the table beside. Two men were engaged in a spirited discussion in Flemish. The older fellow began talking to us, and soon discovered that my Flemish is on the edge of reality. Marieke translated. And our neighbour sure laughed a lot.

Back in the world of two separate conversations, Marieke and I talked about our inspirations in painting and writing. There’s no planning. Something comes to us … and we’re off!

Eventually our friend’s companion bid adieu and he was happy to turn his smile towards us. We were happy too. It’s always great to welcome a bright spirit.

And included in Marieke’s welcome was her drawing pad and pencil.

Roland is 84. He has travelled the world with his business but he stopped all that “doing” six years ago. He has family (children and grandchildren?) in the USA. He misses them so. Roland’s doctors say his heart is not up to snuff and they’ve ordered him not to fly for longer than two hours.

(Sigh)

Weighing most heavily on this fine fellow is his wife of sixty years. She has Alzheimers, with little short-term memory. Thank God she still knows him. But the sadness lingered in his eyes even as he leaned towards us.

“Are you in love?” Roland asked.

I looked at Marieke and said “yes”. She smiled.

We were accompanied today by a lovely human being. Marieke’s drawing captured his grace.

It was three souls dancing