Last night five of us met at my home for our monthly playreading.  We take turns for hosting, and yesterday it was me.  I chose “Over The Horizon” by Eugene O’Neill.

We tried on new emotional clothes, each of us switching parts after every act.

…

Two brothers on the farm, one a dreamer, the other practical – Robert and Andrew

The girl that both of them love – Ruth

Their father, a lifetime farmer – James

Ruth’s mother, old and sickly and bitter – Mrs. Atkins

…

Listen to them

Perhaps become them

***

Robert:  Suppose I was to tell you that it’s just beauty that’s calling me, the beauty of the far off and unknown, the mystery and spell which lures me, the need of freedom of great wide spaces, the joy of wandering on and on – in quest of the secret which is hidden over there – beyond the horizon?

Andrew:  “I have loved wind and light and the bright sea.  But holy and most sacred night, not as I love and have loved thee.”  (He hands the book back)  Here!  Take it and bury it.  I suppose it’s that year in college gave you a liking for that kind of stuff.  I’m darn glad I stopped at high school, or maybe I’d been crazy too.  Imagine me reading poetry and plowing at the same time!  The team’d run away, I’ll bet.

Ruth (to Andrew):  You see I’d found out I’d made a mistake about Rob soon after we were married – when it was too late …

And then I thought that when Mary came it’d be different, and I’d love him; but it didn’t happen that way.  And I couldn’t bear with his blundering and book-reading – and I grew to hate him, almost …

I wouldn’t know how to feel love, even if I tried, any more.

James (to Andrew):  You know I’m speakin’ truth – that’s why you’re afraid to argy!  You lie when you say you want to go ’way – and see thin’s!  You ain’t got no likin’ in the world to go.  I’ve watched you grow up, and I know your ways, and they’re my ways.  You’re runnin’ against your own nature, and you’re goin’ to be a’mighty sorry for it if you do.  ’S if I didn’t know your real reason for runnin’ away!  And runnin’ away’s the only words to fit it.  You’re runnin’ away ’cause you’re put out and riled ’cause your own brother’s got Ruth ’stead o’ you, and …

Mrs. Atkins (to Kate – Robert and Andrew’s mother):  It do make me mad, Kate Mayo, to see folks that God gave all the use of their limbs to potterin’ round and wastin’ time doin’ everything the wrong way – and me powerless to help and at their mercy, you might say.  And it ain’t that I haven’t pointed the right way to ’em.  I’ve talked to Robert thousands of times and told him how things ought to be done.  You know that, Kate Mayo.  But d’you s’pose he takes any notice of what I say?  Or Ruth, either – my own daughter?  No, they think I’m a crazy, cranky old woman, half dead a’ready, and the sooner I’m in the grave and out o’ their way the better it’d suit them.

***

Oh … it was fun!

Shugendo is “a harmonious blend of nature worship, Shinto, and esoteric Buddhism”.   The high mountains of Japan are the spiritual realm where its practitioners (known as yamabushi) open themselves to the Divine.

“Yamabushi, ‘mountain-prostrators’, believe that submitting themselves to the sacred power of nature allows them to take on some of that divine power.  They then use it compassionately on behalf of others when they return to their homes.”

Hiroko Yoda is one of these practitioners.  She wrote about Shugendo in Tricycle magazine.

A man named En probably was the founder of Shugendo … 1300 years ago.

“He headed for the peak of Mount Sanjogatake, where he fasted, prayed and conducted rituals for a thousand days straight.  His singular purpose was to make contact with the most powerful deity he could, in the hopes it might assuage the natural horrors wreaking havoc in the land [famine, earthquake and plague].”

Hiroko wanted to visit Mount Sanjogatake:

I wanted to see the spot where it happened.  I wanted to see if I might feel any power for myself.  I was ready.  I’d come all this way.  The gate stood before me.  A pair of wooden posts six feet tall, with a board connecting the tops, a rudimentary door framing the wilderness beyond.  Beside it stood a stone pillar, rough-hewn and squared, towering even taller than the gate.  On it a series of characters were engraved into the surface: 女 人 結 界 (“WOMEN FORBIDDEN”).

!

Hiroko chose to obey the sign.  After lingering a bit, she turned around and walked back down the trail.

She could have chosen to ignore the sign.  She could have climbed Mount Sanjogatake.

Over the centuries, Shugendo has slowly welcomed women.  But there are a few pockets of resistance.

Listen to Hiroko …

I came here to show respect, not to challenge taboos.  I came because I wanted to get as close as I could, and I had.

Shugendo wasn’t the problem.  Sexism masquerading as tradition was.  Shugendo had changed.  This place hadn’t.

***

I’m right!

…

I’m not sure

Some buildings in Gent and Bruges are spectacular.  Others are quiet as they sit by the street.  And beauty lives there as well.

Sometimes my eyes are drawn to the centre of the composition.  A simple vase of yellow flowers can have me pause … and just look, without comparison.

There are many centres out there, if I linger in the moment:

A person’s eyes, if they’re soft, can show me the universe.

The depths of my cappuccino, perhaps adorned with a heart, can reveal the mysteries of living a life.

Then there’s my hand, with its lovely arrangement of fingers.  Will a tiny bird choose to land on a palm brimming with seeds … or will the hand continue to stand alone, happy to be seen or not seen?

…

And a candle burns sweetly on the table, filling the room … just as we do when our hearts are open

Imagine there’s no heaven
It’s easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us, only sky

Imagine all the people
Livin’ for today

Imagine there’s no countries
It isn’t hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too

Imagine all the people
Livin’ life in peace

You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man

Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world

You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will live as one

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=q3ues1stefk&si=tfO8ba4GKzDvhEwy

I visited Julie and Raphaël in Zottegem, Belgium yesterday.  She is my friend from the Evolutionary Collective, the organization we share on Zoom.  Julie is one of the few members I’ve met physically.

The eyes showed delight from the first moment of meeting.  The soft hug.  The words of joining.

Some conversations are just so easy, such as yesterday’s.  It didn’t matter what we talked about.  Our words vibrated.

Raphaël is three, and was usually in play mode.  I got down on the carpet with him.  We drove trucks and diggers over the landscape.  We giggled – he in Dutch, me in English.

Part of our talk in the EC is about the kids who are showing up on Earth … that they are messengers of a broader, more loving consciousness.  Such as this young boy.

Three years ago, as Raphaël emerged from Julie, Patricia Albere (the founder of the EC) wanted to give him something special.  And here it is:

How lovely!  And I got to hold the brightness and heaviness in Julie’s home.

***

A day of smiles

A day of three young ones

A day to welcome the future

I get to try on other human beings in my dreams … such as last night.

I was at a weekend seminar, something about technology.  I didn’t know much, so I kept asking questions of a guy – maybe the organizer.

Finally, I guess he’d had enough:

Go away

Don’t ask you any more questions?

It’s simpler than that.  Stay away from me!

I’m sorry that I’ve bothered you

You’re a mean person.  Not absentmindedly mean … purposefully mean

(Gulp)

***

So there you have it: I’m a thoroughly bad person.  So different from how I perceive myself.

And it was so vivid!  The foaming anger that pierced my heart.

I have a problem with people being furious with me.  How to stay centered.  How not to collapse.  How to be good to the next person I meet.

So mysterious … both the meanderings and rapids of this river called life

Jack Kornfield

There are many ways that I have hurt others, betrayed or abandoned them, caused them suffering, knowingly or unknowingly, out of my pain, fear, anger and confusion.

I ask for your forgiveness.

There are many ways that I have hurt myself.  I have betrayed and abandoned myself many times through thought, word or deed, knowingly and unknowingly.  For the ways I have hurt myself through action or inaction, out of fear, pain and confusion …

I forgive myself.

There are many ways that I have been harmed by others, abused or abandoned, knowingly or unknowingly, in thought, word or deed.

I forgive you.

***

The Dalai Lama

May I be a guard for those
Who need protection
A guide for those on the path
A boat, a raft, a bridge for those
Who wish to cross the flood

May I be a lamp in the darkness
A resting place for the weary
A healing medicine for all who are sick
A vase of plenty, a tree of miracles

And for the boundless multitudes
Of living beings …

May I bring sustenance and awakening
Enduring like the earth and sky
Until all beings are freed from sorrow
And all are awakened

In Bruges once more …

I’m in the process of submitting lots of paperwork for the renewal of my Belgian visa for another year.  One thing the government wants to see is me having a “healthy” amount of cash in my Belgian bank account.  A better description of what’s in there right now would be “unhealthy”.

Although the most important thing is that I’ll continue having my Canadian pensions arrive each month until I die, the lack of cash flow is a problem.

My memory is, shall we say … imperfect, but I sat down with myself this morning and tried to figure out the “why” of things. 

How easily I forget the details of my life!

During the last two years:

1.  I gave money to two friends who were in big financial trouble

2.  I lent money to another friend in the same situation

3.  I was sued by a company that owned photographs which I used in these posts without paying the copyright fees

The grand total?

21,000 euros

Weeks ago I certainly remembered being sued, but not my gifts.  I remain fascinated with the object that sits atop my shoulders.

It will take me some time to become financially stable again.  I will get there.

And when the light is bright at the end of my financial tunnel

I will help out once more if someone needs me

I love feeling words roll off my tongue or follow the tapping of my finger.  When I let go, they just keep coming.  Maybe my description will be lovely, maybe awkward, maybe boring.  Sure, I’d prefer “lovely” but it’s really not important. 

Just keep saying things

Over the years there’s been a transition to fewer.  Letting a noun stand on its own without adding an adjective, a verb without an adverb.  Two-syllable words rather than four.  Fewer “subordinate clauses” … just the main idea.  Sometimes a single word standing by itself …

Peace

Last night I was watching one of my favourite TV series – Anne With An E.  A feisty 13-year-old in conversation with an 80-year-old widow.  Anne is usually full of paragraphs.  Today Aunt Josephine had just this to say:

Life is short and the world is wide

The eight words hung in the air

As Anne stayed with Josephine’s eyes

Enough said