Tag Archives: Togetherness

Day Thirty-Five: So Alone … So Together

There was a moment in Senegal that threatened to separate me from humanity. I fought it. Then I let go into it. But it had such power to suck me down.

A group of us were sitting around. Lydia and I were the only English speakers. She’s also fluent in Flemish and French. Nano is such a cool young Senegalese woman. She definitely could be on the stage at Yuk Yuks in Paris. She dances. She throws her body around, with her arms touching the sky.

And Nano is a storyteller. She launched her into her tale with aplomb, moving every whichway, screaming her words to the heights and then dropping them to a whisper. Eyes on all sides were locked on her. And then … faces exploded in laughter as Nano bent way over.

I sat calmly, with a tiny smile. But the roller coaster ride was far from over. Six or seven more times, the onlookers rocked and rolled in ecstasy, tears appearing on cheeks.

And my heart kept falling. An intense shared experience was not shared with me. There’s no fault here, just a celebration of a woman’s hilarious adventures … in French.

I was all over the map – fine with the exclusion, hating it, rationalizing the whole thing. There was a nakedness I often felt, and a despair.

***

Yesterday afternoon, a group of us in the Evolutionary Collective explored an idea at lunch. What if we intensified our access to this inclusive consciousness by spending more time together each week online? What if we consciously moved towards a commitment to living this communion 24/7? What’s possible?

One idea emerging was to create a “text thread” among the six of us. A matrix of support for each other in real time. What if I could have pulled out my cell phone in the midst of that Nano story and shared with my “tribe” what I was experiencing? Oh my. How astonishing. Perhaps someone else in the group would read my message right then, and respond. It’s not about zooming a solution over the Internet, or fixing people. It’s about being there, in deep contact with the one experiencing something profoundly, whether it’s “positive” or “negative”.

Now wouldn’t that be a different kettle of fish?

Blending

I’m feeling the call of health: to rid my life of alcohol, caffeine and aspartame; to regain the fitness that I lost in the months following my exit from the Tour du Canada; to let peace and love guide my actions throughout the day.  I’ve never learned to cook but I’m also feeling the virginal need to prepare simple meals.  In the spirit of moving into the mystery of meal preparation, I bought a blender.

I needed some gesture of addressing the problem, a symbol of taking action in this arena.  At this point, I wouldn’t need recipes.  I wouldn’t need to think too much, of the furrowed brow variety.  I just need to gather healthy items around me that I could mush together to create nutrition in a thick liquid.

And so I shopped, this time without my dear wife Jodiette making the executive decisions.  Here’s my list so far:

Unflavoured almond milk
Plain Greek yogurt
Lemon and coconut Activia yogurt
Almond butter
Chunks of fresh fruit, which gradually have morphed into chunks of frozen fruit
Granola
Bran buds
Bananas
Spinach
Wee little carrots
Unsalted mixed nuts

Well, that’s sort of a recipe … or several of them.  It’s a fragile road I’m walking, so new and undeveloped.  But I’m glad I’m here.  Baby steps forward to nutritional independence.  Just holding the tumbler of goodness in my hand is somehow soothing, with a soupçon of inspiration tossed in.

Blending.  Things merging.  I’ve also recently experienced that in the broad span of living.  In my better moments, there’s a sense of no hard edges between me and other people.  It feels like a painting created in pastel colours of chalk, with some unknown artist taking a white cloth and rubbing the hues together.  All this disappears in the tough times, such as last Saturday.  Then the lines were straight and bold, the distance between us immense, the loneliness like a dagger in the heart.  Perhaps I should just leave those times of separation alone, to let them breathe.  And to welcome the sweet contact of togetherness when it smiles on me.

Something is moving in me.  Something is climbing in me, even though it seems to be two steps up, one back … or sometimes the reverse.

Smoothie, anyone?

Just Be There

I was cruising The Toronto Star newspaper tonight when I came upon an article about a dad and his adult daughter. They had agreed to make a cake together for her young godson. Dad was pooped and wanted to order from a bakery. She persisted and he got to learn a little more about life:

My baby girl has grown into a generous, tolerant, openminded young woman. I swallow my pride and head to the kitchen to make the cake but little do I know that the lesson is not over. “Dad, I don’t want you to make the cake. I just want you to be there.” Who is the parent now?

It’s so tough sometimes to BE THERE. It’s so easy to forget that sometimes just sitting down at the end of the kitchen island is what they need and want.

I like to think that I often have cool things to say, in voice or in print. Many a time my generosity flows out. And the moments of eye contact that I share can touch people.

There are also the other times, when I’m so tired in the body, so distracted in the mind, so wounded in the soul. It feels like I have nothing to give … but that’s not accurate. I can offer my physical proximity to human beings, especially the hurting ones. Here are some places where I can plunk myself down:

1. The Grade 6 class of twenty-six kids and one adult. I volunteer there.

2. The Belmont Diner – at the horseshoe-shaped lunch counter or at the table for six to the left of the front door. I often eat breakfast there.

3. The home that is the home of Acoustic Spotlight house concerts every Wednesday evening. I listen to folk music there.

4. The group internet calls of the Evolutionary Collective. I’m there about five times a week.

5. Times when I sit with one other person, in my home or out for lunch. My presence is a gift to them as theirs is to me.

Lots to give
Apparently little to give
They’re neighbours, you know

Together

It was towards the end of French class this morning.  Many kids had completed the assignment and free time beckoned.  A girl came up to me and suggested that I start up Duolingo, the French app on my phone which is helping me prepare for Senegal, where I’ll be with children who only speak French.  Duolingo is très cool, announcing my successes with a little trumpet blast.

I sat on the edge of a table with a girl on each side.  They often chimed in with the correct answer to a question, and sometimes pressed the screen to make my word choices for me.  A little bit of me thought “Wait a minute.  It’s my app. I’m the one who has to learn this stuff.”  But that melted away like the first snowfall of the season.

The three of us were together.  It didn’t really matter what the topic was – studying French would do nicely.  Beyond the task, we were simply having fun, and enjoying each other’s presence.  Other than a few comments about the French terms, not a word was spoken.  Words weren’t needed.

The girls were eleven.  I’m sixty-nine.  No problem.  Just human beings wanting to share a few moments with other human beings.