What We See

Walking down Main Street. What do you see? Is it each individual separate from everyone else – whether that person is strolling alone, holding hands with a loved one, or in a group that takes over the sidewalk? Maybe you like some of them, don’t like others, and don’t even notice the rest. Maybe you evaluate: too young, too old, too fat, too sloppy, weird clothes, stupid expression on their face. Or compare: better than me, worse than me, equal to me. Perhaps you want them all to go away, so you don’t have to talk to anyone. Dogs are better.

Of course, this isn’t the only way to see. Luminous vision is available.

Jack Kornfield writes: Thomas Merton, the Christian mystic, was walking down the street in Louisville, Kentucky – at Fourth Street and Walnut, in the center of the shopping district. Right now, there’s a monument there. It’s the only monument I know that the government has put up to a mystical experience.

Thomas Merton reflects: I was suddenly overwhelmed with the realization that I loved all these people, and that they were mine and I theirs, and we could not be alien to one another. It was like waking from a dream of separateness. It was monastic holiness. The sense of liberation from an illusory difference was such relief and joy that I laughed out loud. I saw the secret beauty of everyone that was passing, and the only problem was that I wanted to fall down and worship each one as they went by. No more need for war, cruelty or greed when we could see each other in this way. This is really the miracle – that each person who passed me is walking around shining like the sun.

What if Merton’s way of seeing could become normal?

New

Can I, one human being among 7.8 billion, create something truly new?  Something that has never been here before?  The Population Reference Bureau estimates that 108 billion humans have lived on Earth in the span of time.  That’s a lot of people!  What are the odds that Bruce Kerr could, in effect, create a new colour, where people would look at it and say “What is that?”

I don’t know about odds, but I admit the whole idea seems outrageous.  Couldn’t I just settle for coming up with a “new and improved” version of something that someone else had created?  Well, sure, I could do that, but the prospect of Brand New is really enticing!

I’m smart but would I have to be brilliant to bring forth the “unpreceded”?  My intuition says no.  I don’t have to be the world’s most intelligent, creative, witty, empathetic and beautiful person to create something from nothing.  I can do this … and so can you.  That sounds irrational to say, but perhaps reason should take a back seat here.  Perhaps we don’t need to reflect on the accumulated knowledge of millenia either.  Maybe the magical number sequence is worlds away from “1, 2, 3, 4 …” or even from “1, 2, 4, 8 …”.  Maybe the new is in the realm of Nicolaus Copernicus, who in 1543 declared: “At rest, however, in the middle of everything, is the sun.”  Not the Earth.

And … it could be that it’s not an individual, but rather a group who will foster the infinite.  Bruce will be included but it will have nothing to do with his ego.

***

You may be wondering if I can put my finger on what I (or we) will bring newly into the world.  I have a glimpse, barely visible through the mist.  It has to do with moments, with stretching them beyond their apparent point in time.  It has to do with the eyes as organs that not only perceive but evoke.  It has to do with lingering, and hearing the final note of all the orchestral instruments hanging in the air.

Something new is coming

Day Thirty-Five: So Alone … So Together

There was a moment in Senegal that threatened to separate me from humanity. I fought it. Then I let go into it. But it had such power to suck me down.

A group of us were sitting around. Lydia and I were the only English speakers. She’s also fluent in Flemish and French. Nano is such a cool young Senegalese woman. She definitely could be on the stage at Yuk Yuks in Paris. She dances. She throws her body around, with her arms touching the sky.

And Nano is a storyteller. She launched her into her tale with aplomb, moving every whichway, screaming her words to the heights and then dropping them to a whisper. Eyes on all sides were locked on her. And then … faces exploded in laughter as Nano bent way over.

I sat calmly, with a tiny smile. But the roller coaster ride was far from over. Six or seven more times, the onlookers rocked and rolled in ecstasy, tears appearing on cheeks.

And my heart kept falling. An intense shared experience was not shared with me. There’s no fault here, just a celebration of a woman’s hilarious adventures … in French.

I was all over the map – fine with the exclusion, hating it, rationalizing the whole thing. There was a nakedness I often felt, and a despair.

***

Yesterday afternoon, a group of us in the Evolutionary Collective explored an idea at lunch. What if we intensified our access to this inclusive consciousness by spending more time together each week online? What if we consciously moved towards a commitment to living this communion 24/7? What’s possible?

One idea emerging was to create a “text thread” among the six of us. A matrix of support for each other in real time. What if I could have pulled out my cell phone in the midst of that Nano story and shared with my “tribe” what I was experiencing? Oh my. How astonishing. Perhaps someone else in the group would read my message right then, and respond. It’s not about zooming a solution over the Internet, or fixing people. It’s about being there, in deep contact with the one experiencing something profoundly, whether it’s “positive” or “negative”.

Now wouldn’t that be a different kettle of fish?

Loving Profoundly

During the Last Supper, Jesus used the analogy of food to show his disciples what he wanted to give them: himself.

While they were eating, Jesus took a piece of bread, gave a prayer of thanks, broke it, and gave it to his disciples.  “Take and eat it,” he said; “this is my body.”  Then he took a cup, gave thanks to God, and gave it to them. “Drink it, all of you,” he said.

(Good News version of the Bible)

What does it mean to give all of myself to the other?  It is the deepest love, where I want you to be supremely happy.  I want to pour myself into you, and draw forth your best.  I want all of you – all of your sweetness and all of your power and all of your frailty – because every part is sacred.

Beatrice Bruteau reflected on Jesus’ commitment:

He means to put himself literally inside the other persons and … wishes to nourish them.  This is his way of expressing his love for his friends.  That love is offered to the very heart of their beings as persons.  It is not an approval based on their performance, nor an affection elicited by their agreeable qualities.  It is unmerited and unconditional, free and creative.

The effect of accepting this love is a whole new image of oneself, other persons, and the way the world is structured.  To be loved so profoundly and so securely, beyond all the circumstances of one’s conditions and qualities, satisfies the deepest longings of the human heart and therefore releases the energy that had been committed to the tasks of defending and augmenting oneself.  The loved person has an experience of being the interior and central person who is loved in this unconditional way, instead of being identified with the social positions and roles of circumstantial life.

Realizing oneself this way, one is able to perceive other persons as their interior and central selves instead of their social circumstances or temperamental qualities, and one is able to relate to them on that basis.  There is now energy to do this, because one no longer needs to protect oneself against the other person.  In fact, there is a surplus of personal energy that can be offered to other persons for their benefit.

If I love so immaculately, if my attention is “over there” in you, rather than focused on self-analysis, what’s possible for me, you and the world?  My eyes lift away from my belly button to meet yours.  I look into you and also pass through you to the entire human family.  All is relationship.  All is service.  All is love.

Day Six: Beeing

Yesterday Derek and I woke up to a simple fact: the orientation was over. The beloveds were either back at home or on trains and boats and planes. I lay in bed and missed them. The “space” we created together, or fell into together, was so immense. What kind people they were. I carry them with me and hope that our bodies mingle again.

Although my life has been punctuated with periods of loneliness, this is not one of them. I listened to a forgotten song today that had a glorious line: “My friends are my family.” Yes. Even when we in the Evolutionary Collective are physically apart, we touch.

***

Derek’s flight was to leave Asheville at 5:00 pm, so we had time to roam downtown. Funky shops, restaurants and people, including those who frequent a very sweet location on the planet:

The Bee Charmer is a fantastic little store. They always have a wide variety of honeys and products made with honey. Think soaps, lotions, beard balms, shampoos, etc. My favorite part is the sampling bar where you can try whichever ones they have in stock.

Indeed. We walked in and were greeted by the owner. “The Future is Female” declared her t-shirt, which was adorned with a queen bee. “What should we men do?” I asked. “Follow,” she smiled. We laughed.

So, what are your honeyed needs? How about a “Let It Bee” ball cap? Or, if you prefer, a jar of sourwood honey. Also consider:

The Naked Bee Hand and Body Lotion
A Monk in the Beehive
(a book)
Flowering Pillar beeswax candles
Honeybee dinner plates
(winged insects under your food)
Lick Me All Over perfume stick
(raspberry, cantaloupe and watermelon)

Now, all of these products are very nice but the joy was the people. I goofed around with three female employees. Although we said numerous silly things to each other, it’s about thirty hours later now, and all I remember is the smiles. And that’s not such a bad thing.

I do recollect the education I received from the woman at the honey sample bar. I didn’t know what an “infusion” was, and I was surprised to see twenty flavours presented to my eager lips. Yum. The woman glowed more brilliantly than her honeys.

Who knew that such treasures resided within the walls of 38 Battery Park Avenue? You could show up there sometime, and reflect on the narrator’s words from “The Bee Movie”:

According to all known laws of aviation
There is no way a bee should be able to fly
Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground
The bee, of course, flies anyway
Because bees don’t care what humans think is impossible

Without Distinction

“We are aware of a desire to value all persons equally, responding to their integral concrete being as unique selves, rather than ranking them according to certain abstract qualities by which they can be classified.”

Beatrice Bruteau

I like some folks far more than others.  I find some women sexually attractive and some not.  I don’t want to spend time around mean or distant people.  I love the spontaneity of kids and don’t enjoy being around humans who never use the word “fun”.

Okay.  That sounds like a normal human being.  I include some, I push away others.  Overwhelmingly though, I include.  But what if I could broaden my range of vision to embrace everyone?  What if the quality of consciousness beaming back to me didn’t matter?  What if the only thing that counted was what I put out there in life?

As I read what I’ve written, it sounds simplistic, pollyannaish.

“I know it sounds that way.  But don’t you see, Bruce, that we naturally rank those around us, in order to discover who we want to spend time with?” 

“Well … yes, I get that.”

“Could it be, though, that while one level of your being operates that way, there are more inclusive realms that you can touch?”

“Well … maybe.  But I have favourites, you know.”

“Oh yes, I know that.”

“So stop trying to make me into a Superman.  I’m no perfect person.”

“Yes … I certainly agree with that!”

“Just leave me alone, will you?”

“Okay.  But may I plant a seed?”

(Sigh)  “Sure.  Plant away.”

“What if, once in awhile, you looked out at the world with different eyes?  Most of the time, continue with your comparing mind, but save a little space for something brand new.  As in human beings just don’t go there.  Would you enjoy doing something that you’ve never done before?”

“I don’t think “enjoy” is the right word.  And what you’re suggesting just sounds so weird.”

“Perhaps new stuff is always perceived as weird by people who don’t want to participate.”

“Probably.”

“So give me a chance here.  What do Adolf Hitler, Donald Trump and Karla Homolka have in common?”

“They’re extremely mean people.”

“Many of us would agree with you.  At the same time, they all need love.  They all want to be included in the human race.  They were all kids once.”

“Oh …puleese!”

“The possibility exists of being good to people simply because they’re on the planet, knowing they face the same sorrows and illnesses and fears that we do.”

(Silence)

“It’s easy to love the lovable folks.  They probably receive lots of that.  As for Adolf and Donald and Karla, love is probably in short supply.  Perhaps we should send them some.  No one left out.  No one alone.  No one thrown out of the human heart.”

“You’re ridiculous.”

“Maybe …”

New

Well here I am on Zoosk, a dating website.  I’ve sent messages to several women who appealed to me.  So far, no one has expressed interest.  Oh well.  I’m sensing that whether it’s from Zoosk or some other source (such as Cuba in April!) a new love will be entering my life.  Someone unknown to me today will be by my side within the next year.

New.  What a concept.  A letting go of the past to some extent.  My love for Jody and for my friends will always be there but there’ll be some type of breakthrough.

1.  A new human being.  Maybe shy or maybe assertive.  Maybe athletic or not so much.  Older than me?  Younger than me?  Likes to travel or a homebody?  A great cook or “Let’s eat out”?  Action movies or romantic ones?  A cyclist like me or a swimmer not like me?  Oh, what mystery.

2.  Your home or mine?  I’ve lived on Bostwick Road in Union, Ontario for 21 years.  It’s a big place.  Lots of upkeep required and I’ve never been good at home maintenance.  Maybe it’s time to let go of all that.  Perhaps my future love lives in a downtown condo.  Neighbours on the other side of the wall.  Someone else cutting the grass.  Take off to the Caribbean without a worry in the world.

3.  Your city or my village?  I could find myself living in Toronto, the city where I grew up.  Or near the forks of the Thames River in London, Ontario.  Walk to cool places to dine.  A city park just a stroll away.

4.  Europe?  I’ve never been.  All those ancient buildings.  Sitting in a sidewalk café on a cobblestone square.  Trying out my high school French.  Why not?

5.  Family  The only close family members Jody and I have had are her brother Lance and his family in Alberta.  I especially love my nephews out there.  But in Ontario we were alone.  What if I discover a prospective partner who has children and grandkids?  I would love that.  To perhaps be a grandpa-type figure!  I miss all the fine school conversations I had over the years with young people from Grades 1 to 12.

***

I’m open to whatever beckons me

The Mathematics of Love

What if I started loving one more person this month?  Maybe someone I’ve known for years.  Maybe someone brand new in my life.  And I’m talking about true love – wishing the other person well and not needing anything in return.  My love could be for an eighty-year-old grandma or a little boy who’s scraped his knee.

And what if that person, being moved by my love for them, looks around in their life the following month and sees a human being that they dearly care for, and that becomes the same sort of deep love?  What if every month I added one more precious human?  And so did each of the people I’d come to love.

It might look something like this:

 Month Bruce loves …  The loves of the people Bruce loves Number of people now loved
 1 – September 2014 #1  1
 2 – October 2014  #1, #2  #1 – 1  3
 3 – November 2014  #1, #2, #3  #1 – 2, #2 – 1  6
 4 – December 2014  #1, #2, #3, #4  #1 – 3, #2 – 2, #3 – 1  10
 5 – January 2015  #1, #2, #3, #4, #5 #1 – 4, #2 – 3, #3 – 2, #4 – 1  15
 6 – February 2015  #1, #2, #3, #4, #5 #6 #1 – 5, #2 – 4, #3 – 3, #4 – 2, #5 – 1  21
 12 – August 2015  #1 – #12  Etc.  78
 24 – August 2016  #1 – #24  Etc.  300
 36 – August 2017  #1 – #36  Etc.  666
 45 – May 2018  #1 – #45  Etc.  1035

Wouldn’t that be a gas?