I’m feeling the call of health: to rid my life of alcohol, caffeine and aspartame; to regain the fitness that I lost in the months following my exit from the Tour du Canada; to let peace and love guide my actions throughout the day. I’ve never learned to cook but I’m also feeling the virginal need to prepare simple meals. In the spirit of moving into the mystery of meal preparation, I bought a blender.
I needed some gesture of addressing the problem, a symbol of taking action in this arena. At this point, I wouldn’t need recipes. I wouldn’t need to think too much, of the furrowed brow variety. I just need to gather healthy items around me that I could mush together to create nutrition in a thick liquid.
And so I shopped, this time without my dear wife Jodiette making the executive decisions. Here’s my list so far:
Unflavoured almond milk
Plain Greek yogurt
Lemon and coconut Activia yogurt
Chunks of fresh fruit, which gradually have morphed into chunks of frozen fruit
Wee little carrots
Unsalted mixed nuts
Well, that’s sort of a recipe … or several of them. It’s a fragile road I’m walking, so new and undeveloped. But I’m glad I’m here. Baby steps forward to nutritional independence. Just holding the tumbler of goodness in my hand is somehow soothing, with a soupçon of inspiration tossed in.
Blending. Things merging. I’ve also recently experienced that in the broad span of living. In my better moments, there’s a sense of no hard edges between me and other people. It feels like a painting created in pastel colours of chalk, with some unknown artist taking a white cloth and rubbing the hues together. All this disappears in the tough times, such as last Saturday. Then the lines were straight and bold, the distance between us immense, the loneliness like a dagger in the heart. Perhaps I should just leave those times of separation alone, to let them breathe. And to welcome the sweet contact of togetherness when it smiles on me.
Something is moving in me. Something is climbing in me, even though it seems to be two steps up, one back … or sometimes the reverse.