Sex Toy

I bought it about a year ago.  I could go into detail about function and performance but I don’t see the purpose in doing that.  I was expecting marvelous experiences.  I used it once and knew right away that the object lived far away from my true sexuality.

You may have read on here about me giving away virtually all of my books, DVDs and CDs over the last two months.  It feels clean to have let them go.  I told someone that I considered the move as my own personal weight loss program.  Weeks later, that still rings true.

Yesterday I looked at my naked TV stand and saw the Sony Blu-Ray player.  With no disks anymore, why was I holding on to that?  So the divestment process began again.  Next on the menu – clothes.  I’ve held on to ancient t-shirts as a badge of honour.  Old messages on the chest had become friends.  I found fifteen or so that had faded to acquaintances.  Goodbye.  Same with many dress shirts (ones I never really liked) and a smattering of pants.

And then … the sex toy.  I found a box and packed it up, nestled against the Sony player.  Off to Value Village with my big garbage bag and small box.  Done!  I went to a movie, which turned out to be utterly forgettable.

This morning, while sitting with my coffee in the living room, I glanced to my right.  There, perched innocently on the end table, was the Sony remote.  (Sigh)  That’s when it happened … dread and history.  I wanted to be complete with the delivery I’d made yesterday but the fear came that the same fellow would be serving me today as I handed him the remote.  He’d have found the sex toy and would be laughing at my reappearance.

I looked back – way back – to messages that sexuality was bad, and should be kept under wraps or even completely avoided.  I remember my mother offering “You’ll go blind if you masturbate.”  How did she know I was?  Actually I’m surprised that she could even utter the word.  What is it about Bruce and Western society that I cringe when contemplating a 20-year-old thrift store employee again?  Sex is good, not bad … as long as no one is hurt by it.

Returneth I did.  And the same young man, fully masked, accepted the offered remote.  His eyes were twinkling (so I imagined) and it easily followed that he was laughing at me in a hidden way.

Too bad!
On I go, living life with my head held high

Speed Bumps

There are three of them … big fellows.  They sit on a road near my local Walmart.  I have to slow down to just about nothing or else I’ll bounce my dear Ruby to the sky.  My body feels the static, the disruption of flow, just how unnatural it is.  I want to feel the smoothest dance steps with my partner rather than an ordeal of stepping on each other’s feet.

Long ago, I was assisting a personal development teacher in her residential course.  On day we were out for a hike – lovely woodlands and fields.  We came to the top of the hill and the teacher asked me to go ahead, down to the base, and welcome the folks when they arrived.  The downhill was loose bits of rock, known as scree – slippery stuff.  As people came down, I lifted my arms to slow their descent, touching a few of them as I broke their momentum.  “Safety first,” I thought.  I thought wrong.  Momentum is a beautiful thing.  The body loves it.  The body does not like some external force slowing it down.  It’s unnatural.

In another year, my dear wife Jody and I were in Mexico.  One afternoon we explored the village of Playa del Carmen on the Mayan Riviera.  On one street, there was a series of small shops nudged against each other.  Jody went into one, and I entered its neighbour.  A good vacation is full of flow, and I was feeling it.  The Mexicans laughed a lot, and I laughed with them.  I felt free – nothing holding me back.  And so … I sang opera in that little stall full of tourists and locals.  I sang opera loud.  Some folks smiled, others just stared.  I didn’t mind.  Verdi was there for the expressing.  Jody came rushing in.  Next door she had realized “That’s my husband!”  Gaping at my grand gestures and somewhat grand voice, she shook her head and grinned.

The bottom line:  I much prefer entertaining folks to bracing them against gravity.  It’s far more fun.

So what will I do tomorrow?