Sex Toy

I bought it about a year ago.  I could go into detail about function and performance but I don’t see the purpose in doing that.  I was expecting marvelous experiences.  I used it once and knew right away that the object lived far away from my true sexuality.

You may have read on here about me giving away virtually all of my books, DVDs and CDs over the last two months.  It feels clean to have let them go.  I told someone that I considered the move as my own personal weight loss program.  Weeks later, that still rings true.

Yesterday I looked at my naked TV stand and saw the Sony Blu-Ray player.  With no disks anymore, why was I holding on to that?  So the divestment process began again.  Next on the menu – clothes.  I’ve held on to ancient t-shirts as a badge of honour.  Old messages on the chest had become friends.  I found fifteen or so that had faded to acquaintances.  Goodbye.  Same with many dress shirts (ones I never really liked) and a smattering of pants.

And then … the sex toy.  I found a box and packed it up, nestled against the Sony player.  Off to Value Village with my big garbage bag and small box.  Done!  I went to a movie, which turned out to be utterly forgettable.

This morning, while sitting with my coffee in the living room, I glanced to my right.  There, perched innocently on the end table, was the Sony remote.  (Sigh)  That’s when it happened … dread and history.  I wanted to be complete with the delivery I’d made yesterday but the fear came that the same fellow would be serving me today as I handed him the remote.  He’d have found the sex toy and would be laughing at my reappearance.

I looked back – way back – to messages that sexuality was bad, and should be kept under wraps or even completely avoided.  I remember my mother offering “You’ll go blind if you masturbate.”  How did she know I was?  Actually I’m surprised that she could even utter the word.  What is it about Bruce and Western society that I cringe when contemplating a 20-year-old thrift store employee again?  Sex is good, not bad … as long as no one is hurt by it.

Returneth I did.  And the same young man, fully masked, accepted the offered remote.  His eyes were twinkling (so I imagined) and it easily followed that he was laughing at me in a hidden way.

Too bad!
On I go, living life with my head held high

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