Well, look at this. My fingers are caressing the keys again. It’s been over a month, most of which I’ve spent in silence.
A little smile just broke upon the shore of my mouth, and with it a realization: I don’t give a hoot about how good this piece of writing is. Ha, ha ,ha! This is delightful. The words will come, and along with them sentences and paragraphs. Some people will like it … some won’t. All is well.
Ah, hah. An intruding thought. “But Bruce, if you’re not all tied up about the quality of your work, then that work should be better. And that’s good.” Well, dear person that I am, that may be true but the depth of it all is “Who cares?”
I discovered some things during my meditation retreat. And I don’t mean a cognitive understanding, but rather a full body, down-deep-in-the-heart variety. Something that rattles my bones and leaves me both spent like a dishrag and bountiful as a mountaintop.
1. “What you contemplate, you become.” My first memory of contemplating love was one evening in 1974, sitting under a big tree in Vancouver’s Queen Elizabeth Park. I had just seen a performance of Jesus Christ Superstar in a stone church downtown. Perhaps for two hours, I sat there and rocked back and forth in a … trance? Something magical was percolating through me.
Since then, I have largely contemplated love and peace in my life and I believe that I’ve become that type of person. It doesn’t mean that I’m never critical of others but I return to the Buddha’s urging to “Begin again.” The peace returns. The thoughts once again flow to the goodness in the world, and my part in that.
2. “There are two types of suffering: the type that you can’t do anything about and the type that you can.” Partway through the retreat, we had green beans at lunch. They were long so I cut them in half. They were also a little hard. I have arthritis in my right thumb. I prepared my hand for its bean-stabbing motion and sallied forth, except that I wasn’t strong enough to pierce the veggies. I pressed harder and had some success, managing to get a few beans airborne, but it hurt. I stared in wonder. And then I started laughing. Somewhere along the line, I’ve begun accepting the pains of life, and have decided not to add stuff. Such as:
What’s wrong with you?
You’re getting old. Maybe you’ll die soon
This isn’t fair! You’re a good person … this shouldn’t be happening
3. Mr. Buddha told us that life consists of four pairs: Gain and Loss, Pleasure and Pain, Praise and Blame, Fame and Disrepute. During the retreat, I got to experience all eight. I’ve started to see, way down deep, that I can be the nicest guy, with the best intentions in the world and a rigorous fitness program, and life’s plate will still offer me helpings of loss, pain, disrepute and blame. So be it.
On we go in life. It’s really a fine adventure