There are a lot of good ideas in life, and I’ve subscribed to many of them. I found myself opening during the retreat, and ideas moved to truth. The head became my heart. Such as …
Love them all
Not just my family and friends. Not just nice people. Everyone. Even those who sometimes grate on me. We all hurt. In my finer moments, I feel huge compassion for the people I meet. Great love. All of us face loss, blame, pain and disrepute (the Buddha’s words). Short or tall; male or female; young, medium or old; angry or serene; pretty or handsome in the eyes of the world or not so. I will sit with them all.
Do no harm
No hurtful speech. No gossip. No wishing that things don’t go all that well for them. No comparing. No making them “less than”. No pushing past someone to get what I want. And when I do harm, I will feel remorse and apologize. We all deserve this.
I can try to keep my youth, my vibrancy, my financial well-being. I can try to keep the people I love close to me. But sometimes my good fortune floats away and the world is black. And eventually I will be separated from all those I love. Jody is no longer with me in body. I’m no longer teaching kids. My childhood friends are hopefully still on the planet, somewhere out there in the world. And raging against the night is just not it.
During the last few weeks of the retreat, my periods of sitting meditation became ever more peaceful. And I couldn’t keep my head up. A few minutes in, it would just flop. I made great efforts to “correct” the situation, all to no avail. I stood up, but very soon my legs wouldn’t hold me, and I sat down again. I tried bowing my head in perfect alignment with my body. Slowly I teetered to the left and the speed increased so that I had to snap out of the peace to stay erect. I leaned my whole body somewhat to the right, seeking a balance point but still I rolled left. Eventually, I found balance by leaning way to the right, maybe at a 45 degree angle. I worried about my head smashing into my neighbour’s chair arm. For some moments I was deep into my heart. In others fear ruled. Always I was fully alert to my environment. Finally I let go and let it happen.
I meditated this morning, again my head way off to the right. Oh well. Guess I won’t make the centrefold of Meditators’ Monthly.
That’s all I feel like writing today. I wonder if there’ll be a Part Four. I wouldn’t be surprised.