Jody and I used to love going to LaserQuest in London, Ontario. We’d blast each other with our guns and then hide away for a bit. And who introduced us to such rampant fun? Lance and Nona one Calgary day in 2012. So yesterday the family headed back for more heroism, minus my dear wife.
On the ride in, I spoke up about the reality that was no doubt so obvious to all concerned: Ontario was going to kick Alberta’s butt! There was moderate disagreement in the car but I ignored it. I knew the truth.
After game one, I finished in the top 18, out of 18 shooters. Humble pie time. I’d shoot my dear ones, and any other participants, and they just wouldn’t succumb. I kept hearing that moaning electronic sound that meant I’d been hit. I made a major recovery in game two: 15th out of 22. But my nephew Jaxon scored 5th, 2nd and then 5th again. As for Jagger, it was 3rd, 4th and 2nd. I was totally outgunned! Even the Dorams’ dog Ember beat me (Okay, she wasn’t playing.)
Wait a minute, I just had a thought. If you add up Jaxon’s scores, you get 12. Jagger 9. I (18, 15, 17) , the great Poobah from the east, was 50. There you go … I won!
The worst, or maybe the best, was two little boys who gleefully ganged up on me again and again. I couldn’t pop ’em if my life depended on it. But they sure popped me.
Then there were Supernova (Nona) and Billy Bishop (Lance). I won’t mention their placings but it’s just possible that they rocked and ruled. Jace was short but fast, and gave it his all to zap his parents and brothers.
After the festivities and a yummy lunch at East Side Mario’s, we were off to Costco in Okotoks. Now I have a history of roaming around that building in London, talking to employees and members about silly things. So what if I’m a tourist in Alberta? Shouldn’t I be consistent with my previous personality? I think so.
I went up to a few food demonstrators and shared some of my favourite lines:
“Will this make me happy?”
[Upon a second visit] “My twin brother was just here and he thought this was yummy. May I have some too?”
[And my all time favourite] “May I sing you a little number?” > “Okay.” > “3!” Most people laugh. Some stare.
As we roamed the aisles, Jaxon saw a pretty girl (maybe 14) who looked like someone he likes at school. One of us said “Go over and talk to her, Jaxon.” His non-verbal response was basically “No way.” So I helpfully added, “Okay, then I’ll go talk to her.” And I proceeded to walk purposefully to the meat cooler where the girl and her mom were examining the hamburger. I do believe I sensed horror from behind me. It looked like I was walking right up to them but I just kept going, making a tidy circle which allowed me to peruse the faces of my family. Not sure what their faces said. Great fun, although perhaps not from Jaxon’s perspective.
In the evening, we once again turned on “Just For Laughs Gags”. My two favourite pranks:
1. A woman in a dress was sitting on a bench with a stranger when she had to pee. She walked up to a tree on the other side of the path. Her back was facing the onlooker. Then a stream of pee anoints the bark while Ms. or Mr. Onlooker’s mouth drops.
2. An elderly gentleman has a bad cold. As he walks along the sidewalk, he honks his nose with great gusto and throws the Kleenex over his shoulder, landing on the chest or face of the person approaching from behind. More horrified looks!
It was a perfect day of bipping here and there with folks of whom I care