When do I stop crying for my lovely wife Jodiette? I don’t know. I cried nearly every day in Cuba and now at home. I’m crying right now. I miss Jody so much. She lets me know all the time that she’s beside me, and I feel her there. But if only I could touch her, hold her hand, rub her feet. I love you, Jodiette.
Part of me thinks that I should have dried up by now, but a wiser part respects a far deeper timing of love. Oh my goodness, how can I write this e-mail? But then, how can I not? Oh life wife! How I miss you. It’s not that I need you beside you to make me whole and complete. I’m just so sad that you’re not sharing the physical joys of this planet with me anymore.
(Long pause for tears)
Oh my dear.
I got home on Friday evening with really swollen legs. When I left for Cuba, I weighed 165. Once home, it was 185. I sure didn’t eat that much food! I went to Emergency in St. Thomas yesterday morning to get some relief and to rule out the nastiness of a new blood clot. And I’m fine.
As I waited behind my curtained cubicle, attired in a resplendent back-to-front hospital gown, I broke down in sobs. When the doctor came in to see me, she placed her hand on my back as I cried. And cried. She didn’t have to say a thing right then. It was a precious moment.
(I’ve stopped crying now)
How can I love another human being so very much? It’s easy. It’s natural. It feels good. And Jody deserves it.
One evening in Cuba, there was a street carnival. Maybe 200 folks showed up to dance. I enjoyed meeting up with some newfound friends from Sudbury, who were on Cayo Santa Maria for a wedding. I also enjoyed getting deluged with foam. It helped the legs slip slide away on the cement street. After the festivities, I started walking home to the hotel. In the dark, I missed a step and went flying forward, hitting my head, elbow and hip. I lay there stunned for a few seconds. The next thing I knew, Amy, Angel and Tristan were helping me get home. As Amy supported me, holding my left hand in her right, I tottered down the road. And then I exploded in sorrow for my wife. Sobs upon sobs. Being loved by Sudburians and loving my Jodiette … how marvelous. Despite my pain and wooziness, the trip home to my room was an experience that I will remember for the rest of my life. The Beatles were right … love is all there is.
Jody had a lot to say to me on the beach. I expect that some of you believe that I’m just talking to myself, and it’s fine if you think that. But that is not my experience. Here are some words from my darling:
But I am with you, dear husband. I’m holding you as you speak. You so much deserve all the beauty of your resort. I’m marvelously happy for you. My blessings, dear one.
Don’t worry. I’m not farther away from you compared to the first few days after my death. It’s just different. You’ve largely stopped crying. And that’s okay. You don’t love me a smidgeon less than before.
I’m interested in your meditation retreats coming up, especially the three month one. What will that do for you? It’s miraculous to even think about it.
[Yes, I’m going on an 84-day silent meditation retreat from September 12 till December 5, 2015. I also wonder what I will be like at the end of it.]
How I miss you, my darling! Your touch, your smile, your company. I know you’re in some fine place, watching over me.
I am indeed, dear husband. I am with you always. I caress you while you sleep. I kiss your mouth. How I love you, Brucio!
We will never be apart, Bruce. And someday our physical bodies will touch again. Go love the world, Bruce … Go dance on the beach.
And so I did dance on the beach. And had many conversations with people from all over.
This e-mail, along with a few others over the last month, has gone to two audiences: you wonderful folks who have prayed for Jody and me since November, 2013; and the people who read my blog at brucearcherkerr.com. There’s much more that I want to say about my time in Cuba, but that’s appropriately said on the blog. Listen in if you like.
For you local friends, I hope that you’ll come to Jody’s Celebration of Life on January 31, 2015. I’ll e-mail you before then with directions and no doubt a few more thoughts about my beloved wife.
I was disappointed that the announcement of Jody’s celebration didn’t appear in the newspaper as scheduled on Saturday, December 6. It did show up on December 9 and 10. Oh well.
I’m not crying now, but I know that the tears will return. I love Jodiette too much for them not to.
Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah. May you and your loved ones be bathed in peace and love.
I love you all,