Huh?  Those words don’t make sense together.  Or so I’ve said.

Perhaps there’s something new here.  Actually there’s no “perhaps”.  A light is shining that has never before brightened my life.

I’ve had several ongoing conflicts with my landlord.  When I dial his number, I’m scared.  When I write an e-mail … same.  As I await his response … again.

Up until today.

The current issue is the money he’s owed me for months.  I woke up this morning dreading how Chapter 23 of this ordeal would unfold.  And then …

I found myself smiling.  I leaned forward.  I was excited about the immediate future: hearing his voice and mine on the phone.

What!?

This does not compute

This isn’t me

Except that right now … it is.  Strange.  Bruce Kerr rubbing his hands together in anticipation of a battle.  No fear.  Instead being eager.

How did this arise in me?  There was no conscious decision to be brave.  It’s a mystery that leaves my mouth lolling open.

***

How does change happen?

One more time these words emerge …

I don’t know