A few days ago, I wrote “Singing and Playing”, about my yearning to sing marvelous songs while playing a harmony line on the cello.

Today I’m realizing that I don’t want to continue having cello lessons and music theory classes at Poel.

It’s a fine school of music, drama and dance.  I’ve been a cello and music theory student there for three years.  My cello teacher Lieven is skilled, smart and kind.

And … a mantra has been growing in me for at least a year:

I don’t want to

I don’t want to master difficult pieces

I don’t want to play in a small string ensemble

I don’t want to be in a cello orchestra

I don’t want to struggle to understand music theory lessons which are naturally taught in Dutch

I don’t want to go to school

…

It’s a very quiet “no” to all this.  But it’s there.

Today I’m having lunch with Lieven.  I want to tell him face-to-face.  He deserves that.

I’m hoping that he’ll be willing to meet with me every two months or so.  We’re beyond teacher and student.  We’re friends.

Lieven may say yes.  He may say no.  Whatever happens, I will continue to hold my head up high.  I have the rest of my life to live.

Many, many years

***

I’m not going to publish this until after lunch.  We’ll see what Lieven says.

***

Lieven understands

Lieven wants to have more lunches

So do I