5:41 am … this morning. I was thrust out of a sickly sleep back to the world of solid things. Not sickly like physical. Sickly like emotional pain. I’m sure you’ve been there.
I was in a university program. It felt like accounting. There was a prof at the bottom of a lecture hall, talking about incomprehensible concepts of mathematics. I looked around and all of my pen-wielding classmates were nodding in approval at the wonders of calculus. Then it was a seminar room, with everyone walking around with rolled up blueprints. Person after person unfurled their creations, to the delight of themselves and all assembled – except me. Someone asked me a question about balance sheets and I stuttered and drooled. Disapproving chins dropped in a 360° dance. I blobbed to the floor.
In the cafeteria, I sat alone, shunned by the mathematically inclined. No cell phone, no internet, no use on the planet. Eventually some kind soul offered me a ride home in their van. Seven folks watched me walk up the steps of home. No one said “Goodnight”.
(Bam!) 5:41. My mouth was sour, perfectly aligned with my stomach. The details of university accounting poured out easily and I knew they’d remain throughout the day. They did.
Where did this yucky world come from? Why did it visit me, a spiritually sensitive human being? Don’t you graduate from nightmares eventually?