I worked out with my trainer today. Marcin pushes me a lot and this afternoon was no exception. We’ve decided that I need to be “fierce”, absolute gritting-the-teeth determined to complete all the reps. I seem to growl inside towards the end of most exercise sets. And I’ve never experienced myself as a growler. At times since Jody’s death, I’ve let myself fall into “poor me” … a woefully weak energy and lack of engagement with life. Strength training brings me back from that malaise. Today Marcin wanted me to do bicep curls with a 45-pound bar. I tried the first rep and nothing happened – the bar stayed at my waist. I was appalled. Marcin, however, was unperturbed. “I’ll help you get the first one up.” And he did. Then I got going, with the occasional wee bit of help from my very fit friend. “I’m doing it! How is this possible?”
I’ve had enough of comparing myself to others and finding the composer of these posts wanting. So Marcin and the other well-muscled gents in the gym are on their own path of development. I’m on mine. Sure, he assisted me some with that bar, but look what I did – 45 pounds. Not so long ago, I thought 20 was an achievement. I want to be strong. When I’m 80, I want to be mobile. I’m on the way.
Meditation brightens the moment, often with a sublimely peaceful energy. Lifting weights also focuses me on the present, but with a completely different energy. I’m so happy that I have both in my life.
I’ve decided to create some vacations for myself. Two months ago, with no lovely woman in my life, I decided to go to Toronto for three days … alone. No sense in just sitting at home and sighing. So tomorrow morning, I’m riding the train, then staying in a hotel downtown, then going to three folk music concerts over the next few days. There’s no way that I’m going to relegate adventure, discovery and joy to the past.
So off I go. I love the window seat, looking out at the world without having to watch for traffic. Searching for deer in the fields that lie far from any road. Watching for the treasures that show up in backyards and industrial sites. Other worlds. I hope someone cool sits down beside me and that we have a groovy conversation about life. And the train can be my vehicle for all this wonder.
I’ll let you know about tomorrow when tomorrow is done.