Have I ever told you that I’m a champion golfer? Actually, I haven’t even told myself. After a round of golf, I love returning to the pro shop and telling the desk clerk “I shot 70 today.” > “Really? That’s wonderful.” > “Yeah, and the second nine was even better.”
In my deep dark youth, when I was really serious about the game, I would sometimes throw my club after an abysmal shot. Thank goodness there were no foreheads nearby. Once, on the raised tee of a par 3 hole, with a shallow pond right in front of me, I swung mightily in an already upset kind of way. The ball bounced aimlessly over the smooth green grass and deposited itself into the drink. I did what any normal deranged person would do. I picked up my golf bag and threw it into the water. A mighty splash it was. And then I just stared at the ripples as my golf budget sunk. After a brief pause for sanity, I clambered off the tee and waded in. Adorned with muck, my bag and clubs were resurrected. My goodness, I was young back then.
Yesterday, armed with decades of maturity, I agreed with Lance that a golf game with the kids would be a good idea. Family. What a blessing to be out on the course with Jaxon, Jace and Lance. The golf club in Okotoks only allows foursomes so Jagger got to hang out with Nona while Ember was getting her locks cut off. She’s one smooth dog now. And I’m one smooth swinger of the club. Maybe.
We rented two golf carts and it was Jace and me riding together. Like all the rest of us, he hit a few good shots within a symphony of not good ones. Okay, my not good ones were just plain bad. But back to Jace. He’d get a bit frustrated but would come right back and give it his best on the next shot. And he smiled a lot. Pretty cool for an 8-year-old. It could be that he was the more mature golfer in our cart.
I always have visions of an effortless swing followed by the ball soaring through the air and landing softly on the green. Now since I am a retired vision teacher, you’d think that I could bring these images into reality. Trouble is, in my short life, whenever I’ve completed my followthrough after a shot, and I look up, the ball is already coming down! Tiger Woods never had these problems. Well, maybe he does now.
Oh well. Back to the heroics of the day. Lance lent me his old clubs but he didn’t have a putter for me. So I putted with a driver, the straightest face club in the bag. And I sunk one 20-foot putt! I raised my arms aloft and yelled out “Yes!” Those male golf pros just aren’t demonstrative enough for me. And then unfortunately there was my five-putt on the last hole.
Lance hit all these booming drives. No problem for him when he looked up, I’m sure. Putting, however, was a challenge. Jaxon also hit some good shots mixed in with the bad. So really we were an epic foursome. The truth is that golf was just a convenient excuse to be together and talk about silly things for four hours.
And I hope we talk about many more silly things over the next ten days. Come with us.