The Fire Burns and the Embers Glow

Last night I sat down to watch one of my favourite movies:  The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe.  As Lucy Pevensie hid in a wardrobe during a game of hide-and-seek, and then emerged out the back into a world of fir trees laden with snow, of fawns and beavers and witches and lions, the wonder on her face said it all.  Since Jody has died, there have been many vivid moments for me as well, moments of incredible intensity … crying, laughing, dancing, despairing.  Last night was another.

Lucy was magical.  She welcomed every newcomer with a smile that could light the world.  As she wandered through Narnia, the fire grew in me, right beside her.  The pinched nerve exploded in my left arm, in spasms that rocked me big.  Lucy, shooting pain, Lucy, pain …

And then Jody, talking to me:

I am here with you, Bruce.  I am always here with you, whether you are crying or laughing.  We will be together always.

I felt my hands move over my heart.  The agonized crying of hours before was gone, replaced by a peaceful communion with my beloved.  And a sureness that indeed Jody is always right next to me, holding me, loving me.  The peace permeated the pain and Lucy’s marvelous innocence.  They all twirled together.

You don’t have to look for me, Brucio.  I am here.  I love you dearly.

Don’t worry about what other people think, Bruce.  Don’t worry about what you may think about life after death.  I am here.  Love them all, dear one.  Light the world.

I know that there will be many times of sobbing in the future.  I welcome them too.  But the peace is pretty special.  Always with me.  My lovely wife.

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