I’ve been reading a book by Lex Hixon called Coming Home. In it he points to the possibility of enlightenment as uncovered through various spiritual traditions.
I don’t know what to say. Perhaps being at a loss for words is appropriate when glimpsing … Spirit. I know I want to say something as I grope through an unknown territory. I don’t think it’s about achieving anything, such as a rarefied state of being. Or about starting at A and then experiencing what I need to experience to get to B, and then C, D, … Here’s how Lex expresses the inexpressible:
From our perspective as seekers, we may imagine that we will someday turn a certain spiritual corner, finally to experience the vast new vision of what is truly ultimate. But this is to misunderstand the Ultimate. Turiya is not any particular experience but is what constitutes all experiences.
He refers to the “biggest” consciousness as turiya. It seems to me like the essence of all people and things and moments. All of this is aglow from within. Maybe a simple white candle burns always in my chest and yours, an eternal flame. Maybe your favourite tree holds the same candle … your bed, your coffee, your coat. A building, a street, a field, a mountain, a lake.
Perhaps it’s all perfect – this moment and every other one. Today I couldn’t find my vehicle permit for Hugo. I need to have all the paperwork in place by Sunday. I looked everywhere, watching my frustration grow. Perfect? Even the part about frustration and fear? Could be. (Never did find the permit, but the Government of Ontario will replace it for $10.00. Whew.)
Sometimes my responses to life’s travails are mellow. That feels right – spiritual. And I’ve defined the absence of such a mature (?) response as bad, as less than. But what if I could easily get in touch with the adequacy of everything I receive and everything I send out, “positive” or “negative”?
Right now, Jody needs my help, and so I’m leaving our conversation. In this instant, within this spaciousness, allowing myself to be shifted away from the task I’ve chosen is perfectly fine. So I’ll see you later.
I gave Jody her daily injection of Fragmin, to treat her blood clots. I get scared when I’m about to push the needle into her stomach, worried that I’ll hurt her. Today, I did the deed while surrounded by space. Within the fear was complete sufficiency.
I thought tonight about how to access this turiya. If only I could think of one word that would trigger an opening. It sure wouldn’t be turiya. Apart from the writings of Lex and another fellow named Ken Wilber, I’ve never heard of the term. It doesn’t shine inside me. I’ve often thought of the word Spirit, with a capital T, but that’s not it either. Okay. I decided to wait for it to be revealed.
I didn’t have to wait for long. Jody was angry with me for an hour or so. During that time together, I let a vast consciousness be there. And a word naturally came to the surface … “candle”. Yes. That feels right.
Jody has now fallen asleep. Even though the residue of her anger is still with me, so is a little white candle, and the moment is illuminated. Plus I just thought of a song by Peter, Paul and Mary:
Don’t let the light go out
It’s lasted for so many years
Don’t let the light go out
Let it shine through our love and our tears
Works for me