Love Includes

So why are there stores? Well, we need stuff to survive and thrive, and somebody has to sell it to us. Plus the people who own and work in those stores need to feed their families, and go on the occasional vacation.

I wonder what the owners would say if we asked them “What is your company’s purpose?” Flowery phrasing in mission statements can’t hide the obvious: “Our purpose is to make money.”

Occasionally I’ve come across a business whose social responsibility is alive and well. And I honour those places with my dollars.

Since arriving in Belgium, I’ve become an IKEA devotée. I love their white furniture, the friendliness of the staff (in English) and the efficiency in helping me find, compare and buy things. Also I’ve had the vague feeling that they treat people well – employees and customers.

With such songs in my head, I was roaming through the aisles one day. I turned a corner and there hung the poster you see before you. I was stopped. I was stunned. Two men kissing. I thought “How lovely” and then “How unique”. A money-making corporation presenting its values for all to see. Maybe North American stores have the same photo displayed but I don’t remember seeing it. Plus I don’t live there anymore.

The words you see are in Flemish. I sure was curious about what they said. Thanks to Google Translate, I now know. Was it a spectacular manifesto of gender equality? No. It was this …

A gift card, always a nice surprise for Valentine’s Day.  An IKEA gift card is a gift that is always welcome.  Give it as a gift to your friends and family on birthdays, on special occasions or just … just like that!  Choose a suitable card and charge it at the cash register with the amount of your choice.

Ordinary. Friends and family. No big deal. They would enjoy a gift card from you.

Love in all its expressions should be ordinary in our world. Just the way life is. Thank you, IKEA.

A Young Man of the Mountains

Today it was time to unpack all the boxes that had crossed the ocean. My bed soon became a sea of flotsam and jetsam. At the bottom of one box were some old photos, including … this one.

This is a wayfarer brought back from time, from 1974 to be exact. The Toronto kid had discovered the Rocky Mountains of Alberta. He fell in love with the wildness of Waterton Lakes National Park. He led newbie employees of the Prince of Wales Hotel into the backcountry amid turquoise lakes, switchback trails, grand vistas and peace.

I know this guy. He still exists! Just a different flavour, more attuned to the beauty of an ancient city than to the sunset over the peaks. But in his heart he still wears the t-shirt saying “Get High On Mountains”. The slopes are different now. Music now is a stronger call than mountain passes but the joy of companionship within the adventure is still there.

“Let’s go there, wherever there is, together. Let’s peek past the edge of the world to see what is revealed. Let us be simple, feeling the rhythm of the legs and the notes. Let us be sweetly exhausted in the journey. Let us be free.”

Pillows

I often think that breakfast is a good idea and I have the perfect place for it about 50 metres from my home – Broodjeszaak Martens. Liva and her daughter Fran have been so welcoming to me whenever I show up.

Sometimes I’ve sat at the counter with my nose pressed up against the window, watching the flow of humanity stroll or ride by on the Oudburg. I love watching the infinite variety.

Today I took a table towards the back of the café, still facing the street. I like long views wherever I can find them. Please don’t make me face a wall.

As you can see, my view included a shelf festooned with red pillows. You may have to zoom in to see what each of them says: “I love you”. Isn’t that the sweetest interior decoration you can imagine? Far better than “Seating limit 20 minutes”.

I love those three words. I love when they’re said in their entirety. Somehow “Love,” at the end of a letter just doesn’t cut it. “Love you” is better but it leaves out who’s doing the loving.

We need more “I love you”s spoken from one soul to another. These are words that are so often withheld between loved ones. I think it’s the biggest “withhold” on the planet.

So … I promise you that the next time I’m in the presence of someone I love, they’ll hear about it.

Light Arrives

There was an old Hassidic rabbi who was asked by his students …

“There are special prayers we’re supposed to make just as the day begins.  But how can we know the moment of dawn when we’re supposed to make these prayers?”

“Is it when you can see a tree in the distance and tell whether it’s an olive tree or a plum tree?”

“No,” he said.

“Is it when you can see an animal on the hillside and know whether it’s a sheep or a goat or a dog?”

“No,” he said.

“Is it when you can begin to discern the lines on your hand?  Then you know the day has begun.”

He said “no”.

“It’s not until you can see any person walk toward you and know that this is your brother or your sister that the day has begun, and until then it’s still dark.”

***

What will open the eyelids of the heart?  What will show us the endless vista covering the world?  What will ask us to sigh into the moment, again and again?

Love, my friend

Standing O

I ran out of writing gas a few days back. Too many midnights or 2:00 am’s. Never got around to the energy of recording my thoughts. Something cool would happen, and then something else … and they all slipped by.

But here I am now. A few hours ago, my beloved Leylah Fernandez lost the US Open Championship to another lovely human being – Emma Raducanu from Great Britain. I was there … ooing and ahhing with the ebbs and flows of tennis fortune.

After the final shot, there were the speeches – first from the runner-up. As Leylah approached the microphone, we the audience stood. We clapped and cheered. There was a moment when the roar subsided a touch. And then it took off, filling every corner of Arthur Ashe. A moment for the ages, a surge that I’ve only heard once before (for a Canadian singer named Stan Rogers). Leylah’s eyes were moist in response. She answered the interviewer’s questions. She acknowledeged that Emma played better. As the interviewer was about to move on to the champion, Leylah reached for the microphone once more:

“I know on this day, it was especially hard for New York and everyone around the United States. I just want to say that I hope I can be as strong and as resilient as New York has been the past 20 years.”

Oh my God! You’re 19. You’ve beaten some of the best players in the world. Tonight you fell short of your dream. And you have the presence of mind and heart to speak of your love for New York, and your empathy with New Yorkers. Leylah, you’re a blessing to people young and old, to sports fans and not. Thank you.

Afterwards, in a press conference, Leylah reflected on her comments in the stadium:

“I don’t know much about what really happened, but with the few information that I do have, I know that New York has suffered a lot the past years when it did happen. I just wanted to let them know that they’re so strong, they’re so resilient. They’re just incredible.

Just having them here happy, lively, just going back to the way they were, having my back during these tough moments, has made me stronger and has made me believe in myself a lot more.”

Look at the gifts we give each other. How happy to be alive.

The Little Girl and the Doll

Christmas morning 1952.  Light drizzle was falling as my sister Jill and I ran out of the Methodist church, eager to get home and play with the presents Santa had left for us and our baby sister Sharon. 

Across the street from the church was a Pan-American gas station where the Greyhound bus stopped.  It was closed for Christmas but I noticed a family standing outside the locked door, huddled under the narrow overhang in an attempt to keep dry.  I wondered briefly why they were there, then forgot about it as I raced to keep up with Jill. 

Once we got home, there was barely time to enjoy our presents.  We had to go off to our grandparents’ house for Christmas dinner.  As we drove down through town, I noticed the family was still there, standing outside the closed gas station.  My father was driving very slowly down the highway.  The closer we got to the turnoff for my grandparents’ house, the slower the car went. 

Suddenly my father u-turned in the middle of the road and said “I can’t stand it.”  “What?” asked my mother.  “It’s those people back there at the Pan-Am, standing in the rain.  They’ve got children.  It’s Christmas!  I can’t stand it.”

When my father pulled in to the service station, I saw there were five of them: the parents and three children – two girls and a small boy.  My father rolled down his window.  “Merry Christmas,” he said.  “Howdy,” the man replied.  He was tall – had to stoop slightly to peer in the car. 

Jill, Sharon and I stared at the other three children and they stared back at us.  “You waitin’ on the bus?” my father asked.  The man said they were.  They were going to Birmingham, where he had a brother and prospects of a job.

“Well, that bus isn’t goin’ to come along for several hours and you’re getting’ wet standing here.  Winborne’s just a couple of miles up the road.  They’ve got a shed with a cover there, some benches,” my father said.  “Why don’t you all get in the car and I’ll run you up there?”

The man thought about it for a moment, then he beckoned to his family.  They climbed into the car.  They had no luggage, only the clothes they were wearing. 

Once they were settled in, my father looked back over his shoulder and asked the children if Santa had found them yet.  Three glum faces mutely gave him his answer.  “Well, I didn’t think so,” my father said, winking at my mother, “because when I saw Santa this morning, he told me he was having trouble finding y’all, and he asked me if he could leave your toys at my house.  We’ll just go get them before I take you to the bus stop.”  And all at once, the three children’s face lit up, and they began to bounce around in the backseat, laughing and chattering. 

When we got out of the car at our house, the three children ran through the front door, straight to the toys that were spread out under our Christmas tree.  One of the girls spied Jill’s doll and immediately hugged it to her breast.  I remember that the little boy grabbed Sharon’s ball, and the other girl picked up something of mine.

All this happened a long time ago but the memory of it remains clear.  That was the Christmas when my sisters and I learned the joy of making others happy.

My mother noticed the middle child was wearing a short-sleeved dress so she gave the girl Jill’s only sweater to wear.  My father invited them to join us at our grandparents’ for Christmas dinner but the parents refused.

Back in the car on the way to Winborne, my father asked the man if he had money for bus fare.  His brother had sent tickets, the man said.  My father reached into his pocket and pulled out five dollars, which was all he had left till the next payday, and pressed the money into the man’s hand.  The man tried to give it back but my father insisted.  “It’ll be late when you get to Birmingham, and those children will be hungry before then.  Take it.  I’ve been broke before and I know what it’s like when you can’t feed your own family.”

We left them at the bus stop in Winborne.  And as we drove away, I watched out the window as long as I could, looking back at the little girl hugging her new doll.

Anonymous

 

At the Corner Store

There was an old man behind the counter – skinny, brown and eager. He greeted me like a long lost daughter, as if we both came from the same world, someplace warmer and more gracious than this cold city. I was thirsty, and alone, sick-at-heart, grief-soiled. And his face lit up as if I were his prodigal daughter returning.

Coming back to the freezer bins in front of the register, which were still and always filled with the same old Cable Car ice cream sandwiches and cheap frozen greens, back to the knobs of beef and packages of hot dogs, these familiar shelves full of potato chips and corn chips, stacked up beer boxes and an immortal Jim Beam.

I lumbered to the case and bought my precious bottled water, and he returned my change beaming, as if I were the bright new buds on the just-bursting-open cherry trees, as if I were everything beautiful struggling to grow. And he was blessing me as he handed me my dime. Over the dirty counter and the plastic tub of red licorice whips, this old man who didn’t speak English beamed out love to me in the iron week after my mother’s death. So when I emerged from his store, my whole cockeyed life – what a beautiful failure – glowed gold like a sunset after rain.

Frustrated city dogs were yelping in their yards, mad with passion behind chain link fences, and in the driveway of a peeling townhouse, a woman and a girl danced to contagious reggae. Praise Allah, the Buddha, Kwan Yin, Jesus, Mary and even jealous old Jehovah. For the eyes and hands of the Divine are everywhere.

Alison Luterman

We do come from the same world
May our faces light up in each other’s presence
May we be seen as everything beautiful
May we be blessed
The eyes and hands are here

Lost in TV?

Well, there’s my history … and then there’s my future.  I imagine grand unknowns up ahead.  Should they be entirely fresh or should I welcome glimpses of the past?

My dear wife Jody and I loved the TV series “Lost” – the story of plane crash survivors finding their way on an uncharted island.  We cuddled on the couch for six years (2004 – 2010), living and dying with the trials of Kate, Jack, Sawyer, Hurley, Sayid and Locke.

In recent times, long after Jody died, I’ve occasionally thought of my island friends with a wee smile.  And then it was on to the events of the day.

Two days ago, I was enjoying “Elena of Avalor” on Disney Plus.  What an amazing, good-hearted teenager Elena is!  I decided to snort around the Disney menu to see what they’d added recently. After a pleasant meandering, I clicked one more time … and there it was – all six seasons of “Lost”!

In the spirit of yielding to temptation, last night I entered the world of Season 1, Episode 1.  Oh my God!  “Hello, dear ones.”

Memories flooded, and there were moments when I knew what a character would say next.  I was cozy on the couch again.

So, Bruce, now what?  As of this moment, I’ve devoured the first three episodes.   The hooking is happening.  Trouble is, there are 117 more chapters beckoning to me.  Will the mature, forward-thinking youngish man prevail, on his way to new TV-less adventures?  Or will I succumb to the revisiting of a darned good story?

Stay tuned.

Kissing

I haven’t kissed anyone in six years.  The last time was in the wee hours of the morning on November 12, 2014.  I had awakened in Jody’s hospital room to the sound of no breathing.  My wife had died.

Will there be more kisses in my life?  I think so but I don’t know when.  What I do know is they won’t be a peck on the lips as I rush out the door.  There’s something precious about two bodies being parallel, directly facing the beloved.  And staying there, in that field of contact.

The next kiss will be sexual … and far beyond.  It won’t be two people trying to get close.  It won’t include thoughts such as “Am I doing this right?”  It will be a communion that also includes the richness of life flowing over the horizon.  It will be timeless, and moving just the same.

Namaste … the God in me sees the God in you.  Our lips linger.  And somewhere across the world, another couple smiles into each other’s eyes.

Well Done

Some years ago on a sunny Sunday afternoon in Seattle, a young Catholic priest stopped to talk to a parishioner and her five-year-old daughter Carmen.  The little girl had a new jump rope and the priest, being young, began to demonstrate the intricacies of rope jumping from his own childhood.  Delighted, Carmen began to jump – first once, then twice.  The mother and priest clapped loudly for her skill.  Eventually the little girl was able to jump quite well on her own and wandered off with her newfound skill.

Priest and mother chatted a few moments until Carmen – with sadder, wiser eyes – returned, dragging her rope.

“Mommy,” she lamented, “I can do it, but I need lots of clapping.”

Anonymous

***

How come so many people are stingy with praise?  Or perhaps never offer it?  My dear wife Jody told me years ago that her mom never gave her a compliment to her face.  Oh, she may have bragged about Jody graduating as an occupational therapist from Western University in London, Ontario.  But if so, Jody never heard those words.  Far more sadly, Jody had no memory of her mom ever saying “Goodnight” to her.  And it gets worse:  Not once did she hear “I love you.”

(Sigh)

Do we think that there’s some giant teeter totter where if I raise the other person up, that means I fall?  No, life is not a “zero sum” game.  When I hold you aloft, my toes leave the ground.

So I’m on the lookout for anyone who does anything well.  My hands are ready to come together for you.