I need your help. I’ll just talk and you listen. Maybe together we can figure this out.
Many nights lately I’ve had the same dream. I’d borrowed someone’s DVD player, and then I lost it. Now I have to buy him or her a replacement. But I can’t remember who I borrowed it from.
No kidding … most mornings I lie in bed trying to remember who the person is. Not knowing if I really borrowed the machine or if my brain made all this up.
Even now, in the light of day, I’m wondering. But as I write, the disorientation isn’t as strong. Maybe because there are people out there (You!) listening to me. My mind is leaning over to the “It’s a dream” side of life. But still not absolutely there.
I consider myself intelligent. But this cloud of uncertainty gives me pause. Shouldn’t a smart guy immediately dismiss the realityof a DVD player being borrowed and lost night after night?
Forty years ago, I gave a speech to high school students. I called it Mastery of the Moment: Fifteen Attitude Choices. I don’t remember their reactions.
I gave them little yellow laminated cards with the choices listed, hoping a piece of paper would make a difference in their lives. I pray that for some of them it did.
I put one of those cards in my wallet. Although particular wallets have come and gone, the card is still there.
Most of the old words still vibrate in my soul. Here they are:
Mark Carney, Prime Minister of Canada, gave a speech to the World Economic Forum on Tuesday, January 20. It will be remembered.
His focus was on co-operation between nations, especially “middle powers” such as Canada.
I think of families: mom, dad, kids … and what truths reside for them in Mark’s words. Here are some excerpts. Each time I see the word “nation”, I’ve changed it to “person”. And “nations” becomes “family members”.
***
Other family members, particularly middle powers like me, are not powerless. They have the capacity to build a new order that embodies our values, like respect for human rights, sustainable development, solidarity, sovereignty and territorial integrity of family members.
There is a strong tendency for family members to go along to get along. To accommodate. To avoid trouble. To hope that compliance will buy safety.It won’t.
…
“In 1978, the Czech dissident Václav Havel wrote:”
Every morning, this shopkeeper places a sign in his window: “Workers of the world, unite!” He does not believe it. No one believes it. But he places the sign anyway – to avoid trouble, to signal compliance, to get along. And because every shopkeeper on every street does the same, the system persists.
Not through violence alone, but through the participation of ordinary people in rituals they privately know to be false.
When even one person stops performing – when the greengrocer removes his sign – the illusion begins to crack.
It is time for family membersto take their signs down.
…
Many family members are drawing the same conclusions. They must develop greater strategic autonomy: in energy, food, critical minerals, in finance and supply chains.
This impulse is understandable. A person that cannot feed itself, fuel itself or defend itself has few options. When the rules no longer protect you, you must protect yourself.
But let us be clear-eyed about where this leads. A world of fortresses will be poorer, more fragile and less sustainable.
It is building the coalitions that work, issue by issue, with family members who share enough common ground to act together. In some cases, this will be the vast majority of family members.
Middle powers must act together because if you are not at the table, you are on the menu.
In a world of great power rivalry, thefamily membersin between have a choice: to compete with each other for favour or to combine to create a third path with impact.
We should not allow the rise of hard power to blind us to the fact that the power of legitimacy, integrityand rules will remain strong – if we choose to wield it together.
I am a stable, reliable person – in a world that is anything but – a person that builds and values family relationships for the long term.
This is the task of the middle family members, who have the most to lose from a world of fortresses and the most to gain from a world of genuine cooperation.
We are taking the sign out of the window.
The old order is not coming back. We should not mourn it. Nostalgia is not a strategy.
But from the fracture, we can build something better, stronger and more just.
That is my path. I choose it openly and confidently.
And it is a path wide open to any family member willing to take it with me.
The Australian Open of professional tennis is underway in Melbourne. Elite athletes are giving everything to vanquish their opponents. Only one woman will win seven matches – the winner of the tournament.
Oleksandra Oliynykova is a tennis player from Ukraine (on the left in the photo). Not well known. Not at the top of the game. Not sought for interviews.
In Kyiv, “There was explosion just near my home, and a drone hit the home just across the road. My apartment was literally shaking because of the explosion … In my apartment, I have no electricity, no water, no heat.”
What type of person does war mould you into? Depends on the person.
In the first round of the Australian Open, Oliynykova was playing Madison Keys from the USA, ranked 9th in the world. Oleksandra is 92nd. It was supposed to be “no contest”.
Here’s what a reporter had to say:
Oliynykova won the crowd over – and for a set, flummoxed Keys – with her game, all dogged defense and creative variety. When she went up a double break with one of the best points of the match, retrieving the American’s hardest strikes before slotting an angled pass past her, an unlikely upset seemed to be brewing.
A story many of us love … an underdog giving the favourite all she could handle.
But there was far more to Oliynykova:
But even as Keys worked out the puzzle, settled her nerves and reeled her opponent in, nothing could stop Oliynykova from relishing her experience. She frequently clapped Keys’ clutch winners and aces, and approached the net after the match with a broad smile on her face.
Such joy – in playing a game she loves, in being stretched by a skilled opponent, in being applauded by thousands of fans. Madison Keys was touched by Oleksandra Oliynykova …
No wonder that Keys also applauded Oliynykova after their hug, and opened her on-court interview by praising her as a “great competitor”, a moment that only broadened the smile of Oliynykova, who was still signing autographs by the side of the court.
“I think it’s not always about winning or losing,” Oliynykova said. “It’s not good in the sport that we are putting too much pressure on the athlete depending only the results, because when you are playing great tennis, you are playing against great opponents, you see high sportsmanship from both sides, you see very kind fans who are cheering for both.”
Dirk is my beloved neighbour downstairs. He’s a theatre director … and an all-round creative human being.
Florian is my friend. He’s staying with me for a week as he studies for exams at U Gent.
This morning Dirk invited us for breakfast.
Voilà …
So many flavours. So many colours. So much fine conversation.
I especially enjoyed some things that Dirk said. He talked about inspiring young actors to be themselves onstage, to be uniquely great, to reach towards the audience. The words that follow are close to the words he chose.
If you chase butterflies, they’ll fly away.
If you create and nurture a lovely garden with the right ingredients, the butterflieswill come, and share their beauty with you.
***
If the earth is hard, dig it up and turn it over. The soil will be dark and moist. Plant your seed here. So many actors, so many different kinds of flowers. We will make them into a bouquet and give it to our audience.
***
I gazed in wonder at the eloquence of the man, but more so at the humanity, the love of all things in the world. Dirk told us he had that as a kid – seeing the majesty of sunlight through the trees, the shapes of houses, the green of grass.
Dirk still sees. Florian and I got to witness the wide spread of his arms.
I’ve loved this painting since way back in my Canada days. It shines.
The waves about to crash … the eyes of the dolphins … and O the aquamarine!
Here in Gent, I wanted to see all this every day, to have my breath disappear again and again. But the depth of the beauty often escapes me as I brush my teeth.
In a perfect world, the majesty would flow to my eyes effortlessly. But in my bathroom it requires conscious thought to see the waves. Unless I back up some, the roar of the water remains hidden under a cupboard.
I don’t feel like writing today but four days ago some anonymous person did. She or he told us about Sinéad O’Connor.
I’ll give you the highlights:
Her childhood was brutal. Physical abuse. Emotional trauma. A mother who hurt her. A system that failed her. By age 15, she’d been placed in a Magdalene asylum – institutions where “troubled” Irish girls were sent to be reformed, punished and hidden away.
***
The music industry took one look at her and had notes. Lose weight. Grow your hair long. Wear dresses. Smile more. Look feminine. Be marketable. Sinéad’s response? She shaved her head. Completely bald.
***
Sinéad O’Connor appeared with a shaved head, ripped jeans and combat boots. No apologies. No explanation. No compromise.
***
A woman’s voice – not trying to be pretty or palatable– just furiously, desperately honest. Songs about abuse. About anger. About surviving. About refusing to be broken.
***
The music video was revolutionary in its simplicity: Sinéad’s face. Tears streaming down her cheeks. Nothing else. No dancers. No special effects. No elaborate sets. Just a bald woman crying and singing about loss with such raw vulnerability that it destroyed you.
***
She got death threats. She didn’t care. At the 1991 Grammys, she refused to accept awards. Refused to stand when the national anthem played. People called her ungrateful. Difficult. Crazy. She kept going.
***
She performed an a cappella version of Bob Marley’s “War” – changing the lyrics to be about child abuse rather than racism. Then, staring directly into the camera, she held up a photograph of Pope John Paul II. She tore it in half. “Fight the real enemy,” she said. The audience sat in stunned silence. The backlash was immediate and brutal. Her records were steamrolled by bulldozers on radio station parking lots. The Catholic Church condemned her. Fellow musicians denounced her. Her career in America essentially ended overnight.
But here’s what most people didn’t understand at the time: Sinéad was protesting the Catholic Church’s systematic cover-up of child sexual abuse. This was 1992. Years before the Boston Globe investigation. Decades before the world would fully acknowledge what the Church had done. Sinéad knew. She’d lived it. She’d survived it. And she refused to stay silent – even knowing it would destroy her career. Even knowing the world would hate her for it. She was right. About all of it. But she paid the price anyway.
***
For the next decade, Sinéad released music that barely anyone heard. Performed for audiences that barely existed. Was dismissed as “crazy”, “unstable”, a cautionary tale about what happens when you don’t play by the rules.
***
She struggled with mental health. With trauma. With a world that had punished her for telling the truth. But she never apologized for tearing up that photo. Not once. Not ever. “I’m not sorry I did it,” she said years later. “It was brilliant.”
***
She never stopped being exactly who she was. A woman who refused to be anything other than exactly who she was. Who shaved her head when they told her to grow it. Who spoke truth when they told her to stay silent. Who tore up the photo when they told her to bow down. Who paid the price and never regretted it.
***
Sinéad O’Connor’s story isn’t just about music. It’s about the cost of telling the truth before the world is ready to hear it. It’s about being punished for being right. It’s about choosing authenticity over acceptance, even when authenticity costs you everything. She was told to be pretty. Be quiet. Be grateful. Be normal. Instead, she was Sinéad O’Connor. Bald. Furious. Honest. Uncompromising. Right.
Yes, I’d like my dreams to be full of meandering paths bordered by flowers, but it ain’t always so.
I’d like photos of me to show grace and kindness, not the fury of the kid you see here, but it ain’t always so.
I guess I’m all of it, including both my public sweetness and my private agonies.
The black part showed up overnight. I was standing on a slight hill. Below me a tiny cat (a kitten?) was running full speed, chased by a huge tabby … from my right to left.
Then again, coming left to right. I stepped down the hill and drew back my leg like a football player (soccer). The kitten saw the movement and sidestepped out of the way.
I followed through, and my foot caught the big cat square in the forehead.
Much of the unknown, of the “beyond”, has shown up in my mind lately. I welcome the wayward, the tilted, the upside down.
Sometimes I shake my head in response. Often I nod.
Exhibit A
My Polar watch keeps track of my sleep. The total for the past five nights is 48 hours … that’s nine-and-a-half per snooze. Huh? Unheard of in this body. I remember some virtually sleepless nights when I was a teacher. Such contrast.
Yes, I’ve been sick with some sort of virus, and the organs need to repair. But this elongated slumber?
Exhibit B
It’s a dream remembered from last night. I’m looking at the doors of a car. The colour is robin’s egg blue … and it overwhelms. And right in the middle of this glory is a large patch of pink, complete with outlined circles and spreading tree branches. The whole story took my sleeping breath away.
Exhibit C
A simple and sad question:
How could millions of American women vote for Donald Trump in the 2024 US election?
Mark Kelly is a Senator in the US Congress. A leader in governing, in guiding the future of the country.
The President of the USA has a vision for the future that places himself at the centre. Mark sees all the American people in that location.
He has courage:
Everybody needs to wake up. The occupant of the Oval Office is ignorant to the Constitution and has no regard for the rule of law … I will not be intimidated by this president. I am not going to be silenced by this president.
There is danger in the air. As Glenn Carr says on Facebook:
Time Zones are so crazy In Denmark, it’s noon In Canada, it’s 6 am In the USA … It’s late 1930s Germany
Mark is both embraced and reviled. Here’s a hug from Ginger Kimbrell:
Please keep up the fight! Our whole country needs you and others with your knowledge and experience to help us become what we have stood for since our Constitution was written
And from an unknown poet:
Sit like a mountain Sit with a sense of strength and dignity Be steadfast, be majestic, be natural and at ease in awareness No matter how many winds are blowing, be intimate with everything and sit like a mountain
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