It was Music Theory class this morning and my confusion reigned once more.

The class is full of Dutch speakers, and then there’s me … with merely a light dusting of the language.  The naming of the notes in different clefs, the intervals between notes, the rhythms – mostly they’re difficult for me.  And the teaching is in Nederlands, as it should be.

There were so many moments of “not knowing” today, of sorrow in the absence of “getting it”.  It didn’t matter to me how well my seven classmates were absorbing the knowledge.  I was lost.

Symbols covered the white board … incomprehensible to this human being.

There’s a nakedness in this, having my soul exposed to the “slings and arrows of outrageous fortune” – no protection.

As I wallowed in the despair, I was suddenly flooded with a bolt of ecstasy (!)  Eyes opened wide, mouth dropped open.  Another kind of lost.

Deeply … all was well.  Cradled in a love.  In a realm far beyond accomplishment and skill. 

I didn’t know where I was

And I still don’t