Here you see the meditation hall at the Insight Meditation Society in Barre, Massachusetts, USA.

Since 2010 it’s been a home for me, offering the teachings of the Buddha.  I’ve been to several week-long silent retreats, and two that were for three months.

In the fall of 2022, I attended what I thought was my last IMS retreat, since I was about to move to Belgium.  I said goodbye to all my favourite spots, inside the building and out in the open air.

A few days ago, I felt the pull to return.

I looked at the IMS schedule and found this for August, 2025: The Sure Heart’s Release: Insight and Metta Retreat.  “Metta” means lovingkindness, also a lovely word.

We’ll explore the steps laid out by the Buddha that lead to the sure heart’s release: the purification of conduct, the purification of mind through concentration and insight, the understanding of absolute and conventional reality, and the stages of insight that lead to nibbana (liberation).

Held in Noble Silence, the course will include instructions for sitting and walking meditations, teacher talks and guided lovingkindness meditations, Q&A, and group and individual practice discussions with the teachers.  Instructions will include the four foundations of mindfulness, with emphasis on the relaxed practice of mindfulness of mind.

I want to go home. 

I want to silently love the other 50 or 80 participants, although I won’t be talking to them (except for the very beginning and end of the retreat).

And I want to stand in a particular spot.  The IMS building is a former Catholic monastery.  There’s a stained-glass window that long ago entered my soul.  The disciple John is gazing lovingly at Jesus, and touching him.

So many times I’ve stood in front of this image and bowed to the love.  During all my retreats except the last one I chose to not take a photo of the window.  But when I was experiencing last time in 2022, I gave in.

During the summer of 2023, I took the train from Belgium to London.  In a pub a fellow stole my phone … and all my pictures.  I hadn’t backed them up.

John and Jesus disappeared

I want them back

***

In the Evolutionary Collective, we touch each other with eyes and words.  Both will be missing at IMS.  But the touching will continue …

If I go