The first two words used to be a problem for me.  If there was a deficit in me, I was bad because of it.  What a sad way to lead a life.  Happily I’ve woken up from that.  Oh, I still have twinges of “not good enough” but they don’t last.

Actually I just had a thought as I sat here tapping:

I don’t care if my writing is any good

How about that!  I’ll do my best to express myself well, to touch you dear readers, but maybe that won’t happen today.  Oh well.

This morning I had opportunities to test this muscle.  I was in Music Theory class at the Poel school with five classmates.  The teacher was having us do dictation.  He says a rhythm and our job is to transcribe it.  The measures, the beat, the number of notes and whether each one is longer or shorter. 

The truth is I’m not good at this.  In fact, I’m usually lost during the exercise.  I tried so hard this morning and I just wasn’t getting it.  A spurt of despair came when I saw my neighbour Jan writing down all these notes in their subtle rhythms.  But soon a smile showed up within the fragility.  Despite “the poor performance” all was well.  There was a sweetness residing within the lack of skill.

I’ll improve … maybe.

***

At the break, Jan talked about training to run a half-marathon in March (21 kilometres).  Ben joined the conversation.  He runs a full marathon every year.

I smiled some more.  These men were so fit and so determined to reach a stunning endurance goal.  I heard myself think “Good for them!”

I ran in my 30’s and 40’s and I remember the joy of breathing hard, of slowly climbing a hill, of often running with hundreds of other athletes.  Hmm … that word.  Yes, I was an athlete.

No longer.  My running days are in the rear view mirror.  And that’s truly okay.  I am unable to perform the activity.  But I’m totally able to look in the mirror and appreciate the one I see there.

***

Life is good

My skills and capacities are simply different than long ago

Good for me!