I wake up this morning with some energy returning.  No more vomiting.  And the anti-nausea meds are doing their job.

I want to write about some of the moments.   The ebb and flow of living a life has been on vivid display.

Much of the Jacob Collier concert I loved, and much of it I didn’t.  The negative was too many flashing lights, songs that seemed more noise than music, and a “Look at me!” tone.  The positive were sacred moments where Jacob and we created a choir of 7,000.  I was transported.

But something was wrong towards the end.  In me.  My life force was leaking out.  My joy was turning to dullness.  My stomach hurt.  I had been talking about life with the marvelous couple sitting beside me but as the concert moved to its completion, I hardly saw them.

Back to the Airbnb.  In the hours from midnight, I vomited ten times.  Twice more at the hospital.  I decided at home that I needed medical help.  I Googled “hospital near me emergency” and found “Evangelical Hospital”, an 18-minute walk away (translation for me: maybe half an hour).

I hadn’t figured out the Düsseldorf transit system.  The return trip from the concert happened because a kind woman helped me navigate the German-only instructions.  So I knew I had to walk to the hospital.

I was getting weaker.  I was staggering on the sidewalk.  The few passersby I passed at 6:00 am probably thought I was drunk.

Google Maps told me that when I got to a certain intersection, I had to walk two-fourths around a block to get to the entrance.  My mind was mostly gone.  I held my plastic bag for puking.  Google’s entrance was all alight … but the door was locked.  No bell for ringing.

And so … despair.

I looked around.  The street was dark and empty.  But then a car was coming.  I flagged the driver down.  He spoke English.  I told him my story, slurring some words.  He didn’t know where the Emergency entrance was.  I despaired some more.  I asked him to drive me to the other side of the hospital.  He said yes.

Three-fourths of the way around, rather than two, there was the entrance.

***

That’s all for now.  Time for more sleep.  Thank you for listening.