I like those two words.  I never know if this moment could be the last time … I am with a person I love … I do an activity I love … I’m in a place I love.

Last night was a last time.

I love our Evolutionary Collective meetings online.  Five years ago, I took on the task of being a Zoom host once a week.  I struggled to learn.  Sometimes my mind is wide open.  As a Zoomie, I had to focus, a skill that’s been elusive for much of my life.

Anywhere from 10 to 50 human beings have depended on my technical skills so that the meeting is what it’s meant to be: a time for spiritual connection with another human being, and with the whole group.

I have served our community well as a Zoom host.  Despite my many mistakes, I have been committed to the people who show up onscreen in their little rectangles.

Guess what my biggest stress has been on these calls.

…

Okay, here it is: the Internet.  So many times when I turn on my laptop forty minutes before a call, the little “world” symbol shows up on the taskbar – no connection.  I’ve coped well  with the sudden surges in heartbeat.  However …

About two months ago, the world obligation showed up on my lips.  Not a good sign.

After two weeks of feeling into a future decision, the future became the present:

I don’t want to do this anymore

And so last night’s session was my last as a Zoom host.

I felt the nostalgia (and the happiness) as my fingers did all the prep before the folks started showing up.  Carolyne, the teacher for the evening, came on early.  I thanked her and she thanked me for our service to each other, and to the EC members.

The Zoom host welcomes the participants at the top of the hour.  Last time for those sweet words.  Last time to pair people up for the Mutual Awakening practice.  Last time to send out messages so the members know when to switch into a new phase of the practice.

There’s a period of sharing in the large group as the meeting flows towards its close.  I looked at all those rectangles and loved each soul within.

Then it was time for me to unmute everyone so we could say goodbye.  I smiled for the journey it’s been, and for all my companions.

***

And so it ends

A chapter closes

I bet there’ll be some cool plot twists in the next one