I’m experiencing a lot of stress in two areas of my life: learning to speak Dutch and Zoom hosting for meetings of the Evolutionary Collective.

Okay … that’s simply true.  Now what?

I’ve chosen to live in Belgium.  Most people in Gent speak English but the dominant language is Dutch.  I want to be able to speak to everyone.  One of my favourite words is “conversation”.

I’ve been going to Conversation Tables at Amal, an organization for newcomers.  Five or six of us who are at Level 1 or 2 of the language training sit with a native speaker for two hours.

Often I’m lost in the talking, making out certain words but not getting the sentences, and therefore the meaning.  Bad words show up in my head: hopeless, exhausted, giving up.  But I won’t.  I will keep going to these sessions “until the cows come home”, as grandpa was fond of saying.

I want to be deeply here … not a tourist rooted in Canada.  I shall persevere.

And then the other.  I’ve been Zoom hosting at EC meetings for about five years.  I’ve really struggled to master the skills and now I’d describe my Zoomie performance as “adequate”.

Over the past few months, my stress level in the role has climbed.  So many rapid-fire decisions need to be made … and my brain seems to be falling behind.  Many more mistakes than before.  And often great fear before getting on the call.

I know my Zoom hosting work is appreciated by the members of our community.  I have served with love.  Now to decide whether I need to offer a different expression of that love.

I’ve told two leaders of the EC that I’ll make my decision about whether to continue hosting by Wednesday, September 4.

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A new chapter?

Extending this one?

It’s uncertain right now

Time will tell me