I was sitting in Jaggers this morning, enjoying breakfast.  I was on their terrace, secluded by an umbrella and plants.

Past the bush in front of me, I saw a purse drop to the ground out in the square.  I leaned over to see an old woman had fallen.  A couple was already approaching her.  They helped her up and picked up her purse.  Twenty seconds later a server from a neighbouring restaurant was there too, offering her help.

I was still sitting.

I see myself as a kind person but I had taken no action to assist.  My reasonable mind told me there were already people attending to the woman but I still managed to bring into the moment the life-lingering thought “I’m bad.”

I do feel that I’m evolving spiritually, that there’s ever more love gushing from me.  I guess, though, that I’m like the stock market – gains and losses, with hopefully a slowly climbing value.

Half an hour ago, as I contemplated what to write today, the words “Find something else” bubbled up.  Avoid what was immediately true.  Don’t be that vulnerable.

Silly me.

And so I wrote … about my sadness and embarrassment.  Because that’s what’s real.

***

And in answer to my question …

Me