Amal is an organization for newcomers to Belgium.  They kindly paid for my two Dutch courses.  From now on, the money comes from my pocket.

I had been avoiding Amal’s Dutch Conversation sessions.  Finally I went to one towards the end of June.

And now it’s a month later.  My courage has been waning.  During my recent life, I’ve seen the wisdom of “going towards” what is difficult and important.  But I’ve been retreating from oral Dutch.  I have textbooks to study, material to listen to … but I need to speak!

So I returned yesterday.  Seven of us sat at a table in the blessed shade of a courtyard.  Sabine, a native Dutch speaker, was our facilitator.  Next to me were folks from Afghanistan, Iran, Palestine and Ghana, plus a fellow from I’m not sure where.

Essentially it was two hours of not knowing, of a knitted forehead, of long exhales.  I composed a few simple sentences but most of what people were saying blew by me.  Our table was composed of Level Two people, like me, but it felt like Level Five.

I tilted on the edge of despair.  At the break, my friend Hana told me that she’d felt the same at her first few conversation sessions … lost.  Then one day it just “clicked” and “I understood everything”.

Will that day ever come?

I had put myself in a situation where I felt naked for two hours, wobbly, out to lunch.  Okay, that took courage.  Now what?

The next conversation is tomorrow afternoon.  Do I walk through Amal’s front door or recede into the peace of a church?  “The choice is yours, young man.”

***

At 2:00 pm on Thursday, August 1

You’ll find me at an Amal table

With other “sort of” newbies

My mouth will quiver

But my head will stay high