The Core group of the Evolutionary Collective has a retreat on Zoom this weekend – five hours on Saturday, the same on Sunday.  I am with family … from various parts of the world.

Am I still “sick”?  Well, I’m not vomiting and I don’t have a fever but the answer is “Yes”.  I am vacant in the head, heavy in the body.  The eyes keep closing, falling towards sleep. 

Our conversations online yesterday were supposedly familiar to me: about open hearts, deep connections and an evolving future.  But mostly I couldn’t follow what people were saying.  “And why are they talking so fast?”  (Except they weren’t)

I’m used to listening to Dutch conversations and grasping for meanings.  But in English?  Oh, dear body, what are you doing?

We 55 did a practice where four of us with sagging bodies were placed in the centre and the rest answered the question “What’s present?” as illness wafted through our online room.

My three friends and I were being held.  I was a lump of clay, being pressed and softened by loving hands.  It was sweet.

Another five hours approach.  My head is wavering between “I don’t want to” and “I do want to.  Plus I gave my word to be there.”

I’m wading in the waters of not knowing.  The softness around me appears to be of the body rather than the heart.  But maybe not.  What’s showing up physically may have a far broader span.

The journey beckons … again and again