The quality of being honest and having strong moral principles

Long ago I committed to living this way.  Sometimes I am tested.

A few nights ago I went to a playreading at Gregor Samsa.  Some friends showed up, and some newbies.  We launched into Macbeth.

After two hours, we’d completed three Acts of five.  I was very tired and my back hurt.  I knew what would work for me – going home.  No heroics of endurance, just my bed.

I paid Harry for my drink and passed between the participants, saying “Goodnight everyone.”

One woman, who is also my neighbour, asked me to drop into her store.  We talked for a few seconds … and then I was out the door.

I woke up around 2:00 am.  And that was it for sleep.  I tossed and turned, flooded with guilt and sadness.

“Saying goodbye includes eye contact, Bruce!  What you did a few hours ago isn’t you.”

Except, in the moment, it was.

I couldn’t pull myself out of the sadness.  Finally I texted one of my friends who was at the reading and apologized.

After that action, slowly I recovered my soul.  Later that day I was fully back to life.

What a lesson.  I’m at a point in life where moments of being out-of-integrity hurt a lot.  I’m no perfect person.  Lapses will continue … but may they be few.

I need my sleep

And I need a wide open heart