I adore the word “Beloved”.  I aim it at people, places and events.

But it’s time to break new ground.

Over the past year, I’ve noticed myself going towards the ups and downs of life rather than backing away.  It feels strange and lovely.

However … there’s one notable exception:

FEAR

I’m afraid of fear. I run away. I get busy. I eat dessert. I find ways to cover the poop with ice cream.

Yesterday I tried something new. I picked up my teddy bear Turner Brown, sat in my meditation chair, hugged my friend and said “Beloved Fear”.

I sat there for two hours, feeling the softness of Turner’s fur (fear’s fur), rubbing my fingers down Turner’s cheek (fear’s cheek), looking into Turner’s eyes (fear’s eyes).

Two hours is a long time. The hug lasted long and long. Our eyes stayed together.

***

I wrote a few days ago about doing stretching exercises, kissing my knee as I leaned forward. Fear is just as much a part of me as are my knees. I don’t want them to go away. I want to love them.

A work in progress