About forty years ago I was in a leadership program of the organization Werner Erhard founded … “est”.  It offered retreats and courses to foster personal transformation.  We had homework to be completed before landing in Vancouver, Canada for a weekend of training.

We were asked to be “flat” with our lives before showing up in the meeting room.  If we knew we had problems – large or small – we were to address them so that our energy would be fully available for the learnings of the weekend.

For instance, if had a “withhold” with another person – something I wasn’t saying – the homework was to express that to them.

Then there was the “hands on” stuff to deal with.  What messes were there in our home that called for fixing?  And so … behold the refrigerator.  Foods after the “Best Before” date were to be thrown out and the whole appliance cleaned.

I remember grousing about the fridge.  “What does this have to do with transformation?”  But I did it anyway.  I had a responsibility.  I had agreed to keep my word.

Werner was right.  I felt light on Saturday morning, ready to open.

***

Now I’m in a leadership program of another organization – The Evolutionary Collective.  There are about fifty of us who have agreed to a heightened level of commitment.  We’ve agreed to attend certain meetings unless there’s an emergency.

In Europe I’m six hours later than eastern North America.  We fifty can either attend a Thursday Zoom meeting from 6:30 till 8:00 pm my time on Week One or from 2:00 till 3:30 am on Week Two.  The hours are more gentle for North America because that’s where most of our members live.

For us Europeans, the choice is clear: Week One.

Thursday, May 25 was Week One.  It was also the night of a Bruce Springsteen concert in Amsterdam.  I went.

Which brings us to Thursday June 1: Week Two.

I know what’s needed for my life to be unencumbered.  I’ve had many successes and a few failures in that realm.

Thursday evening, an internet technician was in my apartment until 8:15.  I lay down in bed at 9:00 and set the alarm for 1:30.  At 1:50 the coffee was brewing.  At 2:00 there I was – one of many rectangles on the Zoom screen.

Twice the leader asked us to close our eyes for five minutes.  Red flag. “Uh oh. Don’t fall asleep, Bruce!”  And I didn’t.

I did my best during the meeting but my mind was dull.  Actually I think my presence inspired a few of the North Americans.

By 3:45 my head was on the pillow.  So was my smile.  And I slept.

I’m still a bit wayward in the head. And that’s okay. I learned long ago what works. May I continue remembering.